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There’s little doubt that Colin Farrell attracts the ladies. Even if many of them are insane.

But can he please them? Not so much, according to Woody Allen’s former au pair, Angelique Jerome. The French belle claims she got … it … on with Farrell just hours before the London premiere of Miami Vice.

The 24-year-old French temptress claims the couple met up at his hotel suite aroind breakfast and did the dirty deed three times before lunch.

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That means Farrell must have some serious mojo, right? Right?!?

“Maybe he has lots of women because he’s not that good in bed,” Jerome told London’s Sunday Mirror. “Maybe they don’t want to stay.”

Ouch! Could it really JUST be the accent? Jerome had more to diss about the actor:

“He has a great body and a charm that any woman would kill for. But he’s all talk. Between the sheets, he is a letdown with only half a baguette in his lunchbox, if you know what I mean. He comes across as a tiger onscreen, but behind closed doors he’s as wild as Mickey Mouse.

“He kept saying ‘C’est bon (it’s good), you’re beautiful, c’est bon’. He sounded like James Blunt. We made love three times but the actual sex only lasted 10 minutes in total.”

Random Mickey bashing there, huh? We wonder how Minnie feels about that. We also somehow doubt Dave Navarro has this problem based on who he’s dating.