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This century’s sign of the apocalypse? Paris Hilton wants to be a mother.

The 25-year old nymphy nitwit said she wants to reproduce quite soon, hopefully causing all future bedmates to recoil in horror.

“I know in my heart of hearts I would be a great mother,” Hilton told The London Mirror. “I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel that I would have a lot to give to my children … And I don’t want to be an old mom – hopefully it’ll happen soon, within the next five years.”

Carter Reum, Wife
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Get your jaw off the floor, though, people, Paris wasn’t finished! Despite her reputation for being a skinny tramp, Hilton insists she’s cautious when it comes to men.

“One-night stands are not for me,” she said. “I think it’s gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more if you don’t just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. You have to make them work for it.”

Brian Urlacher may have something to say about that. And Matt Leinart. And Jose Theodore. And those two guys named Paris she dated.

Meanwhile, Paris lashed out at former best friend, Nicole Ritchie.

“I only want friends who are there for me just like I’m there for them. Otherwise it’s too painful,” she said about her Simple Life co-star. “I brought Nicole on to [the show] and all of a sudden she became this different person. She dropped her old friends and she’s someone else.”

If only Hilton would follow that lead. Then maybe she wouldn’t suck so much.