Michael Lohan: Cooling His Ass in Solitary, Trying to Call Kim Granatelle Collect

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Michael Lohan is still cooling his rear end in solitary confinement in a Florida jail after being denied bail last weekend, but he has been allowed to make calls.

Collect calls. Which people apparently don't answer.

A recording of a call he attempted to place to one of his many flames - Kim Granatelle, from The Real Housewives of New Jersey - was obtained this morning.

She didn’t actually answer the phone and let the call go to her voicemail. Probably wise. Mike is in solitary for his repeated harassment of ex Kate Major.

“Kim has spoken with Michael who told her he was in a lot of pain,” said Kim’s friend, Tom Murro, who shared the recording (hopefully with her knowledge).

Keep in mind that he's in pain from jumping off a balcony and landing in a freaking tree while attempting to avoid the cops. Not prime sympathy material.

In an ironic twist, Michael and daughter Lindsay Lohan may be in jail at the same time, albeit on different coasts. LiLo must turn herself in by next week.

She'll likely get sprung faster, however, since she has better lawyers. And isn't charged with injuring or threatening to kill someone, or resisting arrest.

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Pathetic Pansy meets "you better not ever do that again, I mean it," judges. Throw his dumb ass in the slam. A perfect example of the Law of Levels: arrogance and stupidity seek a common level. PS I'm in favor of abortion...but only those that are retroactive.

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Him and his ex are sick sick sick!! Poor kids.

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What a dysfunction family...no wonder their daughter is screwed up