Witness on Justin Bieber Assault Story: Utter Nonsense!

Justin Bieber did not assault anyone, nor was the singer referred to as a homophobic slur.

So states Michael Kwen, a friend of Justin's who actually played laser tag with him last weekend and spoke to E! News about the rumors circulating around the Internet regarding an alleged incident between Bieber and a 12-year old in Canada.

Here's what actually went down:

Kwen says Bieber and the boy in question completed their laser tag contest and exited the game's maze. The boy went to his father and Justin approached Kwen.

"He told me that he accidentally hit the kid while trying to escape by running through him and his friends," Kwen said.

There was no punching involved and no one used the word "faggot," as reports have indicated. But one item does appear to be valid: The boy's father's went off.

"He was yelling, like he was a lawyer...saying that Justin Bieber assaulted his kid," Kwen said of the scene. "[But] it was just a normal game of laser tag, people will always bump into you."

Sources say this money-hungry adult will pursue charges against Bieber, likely hoping for a quick settlement and payday.

Overall, Kwen concluded: "Nothing actually happened... it's funny how the story always changes. First it was a slap, then it was a punch and now there's homophobic slurs. None of that actually happened at all."

Good. Now we can simply return to reporting on Bieber's music and his hair and his dashing looks and his dedicated fan base...