Breaking News: Angelina Jolie Steals Brad Pitt From Jennifer Aniston!

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It's apparently Turn Back the Clock week over at Us Magazine.

We realize that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's divorce was seen, and is still noted to be, one of the most scandalous, shocking celebrity breakups in recent history.

But we'll let you in on a tip, Us: They split in January 2005.

Pitt's affair and subsequent partnership with Angelina Jolie continue to fascinate for obvious reasons, but really guys? We're revisiting his original split with Jen?

At least Star can think up new Brangelina breakups, secret Brennifer hookups, Angie mind games and Jen loneliness in a bid to keep the love triangle current.

This, however, is basically a five-year-old cover story ...

How She Stole Him!

Finally, the truth! Knock us over with a feather!

Yes, we realize the publication cites a new tell-all book about the celebrities and some supposedly new revelations as its reason for dredging this back up again.

What would a new tell-all possibly have to offer, though, and how would we assume any part of it is actually true? Is there no other celebrity gossip out there?

Come on, Us. Jen's dating a new guy now, and he's still married to his ex-wife! Surely there's an adultery / love child story you can fabricate from that, right?

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Jennifer Aniston Quotes

I actually feel I've been unbelievably lucky in love. I don't feel like I'm supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I'm not. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

Jennifer Aniston

You just have to love your life. I have my health, I have my friends, I have my loved ones. I'm extremely lucky.

Jennifer Aniston