The Hills Recap: Spencer Pratt Goes Ballistic; Brody Jenner Torn Between Former Flames

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The third episode of The Hills' final season reintroduced Brody Jenner and Kristin Cavallari as lovebirds. Because ... they used to date and we're out of other options?

Last night's episode, "Elephant in the Room," found these two pondering a staged reconnection, while he also pondered his supposed "crush" on Audrina Patridge.

Meanwhile, Spencer Pratt absolutely went off the rails at Holly Montag. Below, The Hollywood Gossip breaks down all the Hills action with its trademark +/- scale:

Kristin doesn't know if she likes being around Spencer. Does anyone? Plus 3.

Brody on Audrina and Ryan getting serious: "Whatever!" Brody is apparently a 'tween girl. Minus 4, because he's also being forced to care about Ryan by MTV.

Brody and Kristin are meant to be ... MTV decided this week.

We said this yesterday, but if you're parents to a seven-year-old, is there anything worse than a party thrown by Speidi? Were Tiger Woods' mistresses busy? Minus 5.

Audrina and Ryan are at the bowling alley. Audrina talks about Brody Jenner, her past and adds that Brody now has a crush on her. Ooh, the fake plot thickens! Plus 6.

It's time for "the talk" with Ryan. Plus 2, 'cause Ryan is just excited he's landed this gig on The Hills and retained any level of fame. Remember when he was a singer?

Audzo says every time she calls Heidi, Spencer is right there. Kristin Cavallari says Spencer is controlling her. Minus 3 for the girls being three years late to that party.

Spencer, when asked where Stephanie is: "I have a sister?" Plus 10.

Spencer, when Holly Montag dares defend their mother, Darlene, for speaking her mind about Heidi Montag's plastic surgery: "You can leave my property." Plus 11.

Spencer Pratt is seriously losing it.

Ryan wants their relationship to be drama free and the "best relationship ever." Dude, you're fake dating a girl on The Hills. That's not happening. Minus 27.

Brody calls Enzo's party the most awkward of his life. So true. Plus 9.

Kristin Cavallari asks Brody about Audrina over a drink in a typical, staged Hills discussion where they pretend to be conflicted about relationships. Minus 19.

Spencer Pratt, ever eloquent, repeats his earlier claim that Heidi's mom is "just a vagina" who let Heidi come into the world, but is nothing special. Plus 40.

As Holly leaves, Spencer shouts at her that he'll call the cops next time. "Keep walking ... Nobody wants you in Hollywood." Okay, that's enough. Minus 12.

TOTAL: +11. SEASON: +51. Boring as the Kristin-Brody-Audrina "drama" is, Spencer made this episode of The Hills. Dude has serious issues. We love it.

Click to enlarge more pics from the episode ...

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god i am obsessed with mr. taloyr lautner!!!!!!! its not even funny!!!! i know everyone is but still!! his smile is like im-so-hot-i-could-do-ANY-toothpaste-commercial.? lol his teeth are GOURGESS like him!!! =D

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OH my... just watching the latest Hills and Spencer needs admitting, he is CRAZY!!! I work with patients with mental illnesses and they are less insane than he is!!!!!!!!!11

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How funny the Hills, maybe Spencer is upset because Heidi his plastic blow up doll didn't make Maxim's 100 hottest. LOL How does it feel Heidi to have Audrina, Stephanie and Kirsten make
the list, and you did all that plastic surgery and pain for what again? Oh yeah to make your voice better so you can be a big pop star...I think that ship sailed, just leak a porno, c'mon Spencer we know that is your next move...although no one wants to see Spencer in a porno, he can just film his wife being a brainless 49 year old tranny!