The Plot to Destroy Lauren Conrad
We love Us Weekly.
The venerable celebrity news publication not only breaks a lot of gossip, it makes it much more fun to follow and read. We have to give them props.
This week’s cover story, featuring Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag (it’s a safe bet that someone from The Hills or named Spears will be on there three out of every four weeks), is one of the magazine’s finest efforts yet.
Spencer Pratt’s “terrifying obsession” with the Lauren Conrad sex tape. The “war” over Stephanie Pratt. A sinister plot to “destroy” Lauren and take over her show.
Don’t get us wrong. We love the show - to an unhealthy extent. But that’s a tad dramatic, don’t you think? This is the The Hills, right? Not Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith. Or is it? See below ….
The Hills’ rivaling stars Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, together again on the cover of Us Weekly. That hasn’t happened in, like, almost a full month!
While the battle over sex tape rumors is heating up, the show will be cooling off for the summer. The season finale of The Hills is next Monday.
Rest assured, though - the 19-episode Season Four starts in August!
There is no sex tape.
How do we know there is no sex tape? Because we haven’t seen it. It is not all over the internet.
There are no links.
If such a tape had ever existed, not even the combined resources of MTV and Lauren’s family, and I suppose theoretically Jason’s family, if he has one, would have been able to keep it off the internet.
Even the Hilton Hotel machine could not keep Paris’s tape out of download directories from Tahiti to Tuscaloosa. That is just the reality we live in today.
So whatever Lauren may or may not have done in Spencer’s presence, whatever Terrible Secrets he may have heard or seen during the time when the Speidi era overlapped with the Lauren-Heidi roomate era, without a tape, it is just gossip, and gossip from the flesh-colored furred lips of a world class a-hole who has not exactly established himself as a model of credibility.
If in fact he did become privy to any such Terrible Secrets, or witness to any scandalous behavior or tragic hairstyle involving Lauren, then he missed his chance for the big bucks, and shattered forever his dream of becoming the next Rick Salomon.
But, in fairness, we must accord Spencer his props - he has played the non-existent tape - and the viewing public - like a violin, and gotten his name in the mouths of the millions, and exponentially upped his “villain we love to hate” quotient.
If we will take a moment and remember, before the whole sex tape crap, Speidi was known and despised only by Hills fans. People who did not watch the show had no idea who either of them were.
But since all that, they are everywhere! MSNBC or somebody took them to that fancy press party at the White House. A Speidi-less episode of TMZ is a rare thing indeed. They are doing the talk-show circuit, and millions more people are tuning into the Hills just to see what all the fuss is about.
So a cartoon-grade reality show villain, a serial loser, manskank wannabe has successfully propelled himself - and his supporting cast member girlfriend - into the glare of the pseudo-fame stratosphere.
Ironically, had there BEEN a sex tape, it is very unlikely that all that would have happened. He would be, well, just another Rick Salomon, just another Ray-Jay, considering a gig on the Surreal Life as a career zenith.
All the attention would, of course, be on Lauren and her sex tape. Speidi would be forgotten, and fewer people would be able to name the “releaser” of the tape than are now able to identify Jen Bunney in a lineup.
Whatever actual money Spencer has been able to milk from his new-found fame, he owes to Lauren - for neglecting to make a sex tape.
Ok- this Heidi and Spencer BS has spiraled out of control. First of all why are they being interviewed on talk shows. . . . Seriously!? They haven’t done anything but appeared on a TV show that isn’t even featuring them. Heidi is supposedly endorsing her new clothing line and album. Well why doesn’t she and Spencer ask their interviewers to focus on that rather than tastelessly firing off hurtful comments about everyone else. It’s disgusting, here is someone who says she has such great moral values and wasn’t raised in the “spoiled” Laguna Hillls. And she “prays” for Lauren Conrad. Wow, some Christian- nice Maxim photo’s, she could put those next to her bible on her nightstand. Oh, by the way, uhmmm Spencie was raised in Southern Cal there too darlin’! Good for Lauren’s parents that they could treat her to some of the luxury blessings in life, based on actions, I would rather be associated with those “Hills” raised folks rather than the supposed “Christian” based up-bringing Heidi procliams. She is quite the representation. Lastly, the whole sex tape thing- WHO CARES, seriously if Heidi and Spencer have nothing more exciting to talk about in their lives than someone else’s supposed sex life, they really need some help. That huge producing, singing, clothes designing, and partying professions they have must not be too happening.
Who cares if there is or isn’t a sex tape!!!! Get over it. Heidi and Spencer need to leave it alone. Its Lauren’s show and it will never be theirs. They may get a spin-off eventually but who will watch it?? NOT ME OR ANYONE I KNOW!! They owe all their fame to Lauren without her they wouldn’t be on TV. Oh and Spencer is suppose to be loaded and he has to sleep on his sisters couch?? what??
Ok I deffinitly bought this magizine just to read this story. I tought it was tottaly retarded. Seriously no one cares if lauren made a sex tape. another thing spencers comment about lauren needing to apologize to america is serious crazy. I am pretty sure america will live if she had a sex tape. Its her business anyway and they would be no one with out her. YOu also realize then can come up with nothing better to say other than she has a sex tape like that is the worst they can say. My final commet will be about the fact if there was a sex tape wouldnt we have all seen it by now. THere is no way they would have been able to keep this a secret for so long.
hi lauren i love u but sumtimes i think u are selfish simply by wanting 2 make descions for your friends.from what i abserve by watching the show.u really got mad at hedi because she drop out of college and her tase with men.yes i admit spencer is a jurk but thats hedi chioce.when u were dating jason hedi did not get mad,u and him were living 2gether.with audrina u dont like justin bobby but get over it thats audrina chioce.(stop tryen 2 make decions for your friends)with the sex tape rumor it is wrong an need 2 be put 2 rest.
any 1 comment back
nicka ur rite and lc shud lev hedi along cuz it is her choise also hedi z rite and lc shud relese the sex tap cuz it wud be gud 4 america then 2 much drama n lize n gud 4 da war on teror. i thk lc stil hatin on audrina cuz spencer hit on her but not lc. 2 much jelosy on th sho now, i wnt 2 C more clozzzzz!
ok i highly doubt that lauren is jealous that spencer never hit on her and as far as i can tell she doesnt even say anything to heidi anymore she let her make her decision and heidi chose spencer over her friend. I think the reason she got mad at heidi for dropping out was because she was more concerned with her future than anything else and i think at this point lauren could care less about what heidi does. Heidi has already proven that she is a shitty friend