Jon Cryer

You may have heard this at some point over the past several God awful months, but it really must be emphasized again:

Go home, 2020. You're drunk.

On Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 2, we picked up not long after Alan and Walden's surprise gay marriage proposal on the final season premiere.

If you missed it, Walden convinces Alan to marry him so he has a better chance at adopting a baby, setting the stage for the sitcom's huge gay sendoff.

TV Guide has published its annual list television's highest-paid actors, and there are some serious shake-ups in the 2014 pecking order.

For one thing, the number 1,2, and 3 spots all belong to Big Bang Theory cast mates.

Jon Cryer's former wife claims their 13-year-old son is the object of ridicule at his exclusive private school because the other kids have a more lavish lifestyle.

As a result, she'd like the actor to cough up another $88,000. A month.

Nudity. Fart jokes. And references to genital warts.

For all the hype and all the headlines made over Ashton Kutcher replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, last night's ninth season premiere didn't exactly stray far from the obvious, immature humor that - incredibly, depressingly - has made this the most-watched sitcom on television for many years.

We already know what Charlie Sheen thinks of Ashton Kutcher coming on board Two and a Half Men. But what about the man who will actually be starring alongside him?

Jon Cryer released his first statement on the addition of Kutcher today, saying:

No wonder Jon Cryer wasn't that angry when Charlie Sheen went off on him this week, labeling him as a traitor and a troll. Turns out...

... the actor actually is a troll!

Charlie Sheen has already alienated a large majority of his fan base.

Now, the machete-wielding actor has gone off on one of his few remaining allies in the business, former Two and a Half Men co-star Jon Cryer.

For years, we thought the only thing wrong with Two and a Half Men were the incredibly immature and unfunny quotes uttered on the sitcom each week.

Little did we know about the scandals plaguing its stars behind the scenes. While Charlie Sheen's struggle with alcohol, drugs and domestic abuse have been well-documented, they almost pale in comparison to the troubles facing Jon Cryer.

Jon Cryer stars with Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Hopefully the kid on the show isn't involved in a scandal too, 'cause they're 2-for-2 1/2 right now.

Not that Cryer had anything to do with his, unlike Sheen. He has told authorities his life was in danger - possibly by a hit man - and the FBI is investigating.