The Hills is apparently back.
That was the general reaction from most viewers after they tuned in to MTV on Monday night and sat confused for a solid hour while Spencer, Heidi, Audrina and apparently Mischa Barton talked and and talked and talked some more about what has become of their lives in the decade since they last appeared on reality TV.
Was it engrossing? Not exactly.
But did it provide us with a great deal of content? Sort of.
In honor of The Hills’ return, scroll down for a summary of some of the more shocking, confounding and generally wild moments from a premiere that definitely aired on television…
The Demise of Audrina
Following her divorce, Audrina was clearly shaken. She has a young child at home to raise all on her own and the stress of her split has caused her to lose 20 pounds.
But Guess Who Called Immediately to Check on Her!
Audrina alleged that Justin Bobby called her as soon as the divorce news hit. In order to check on her or to try and get back into her pants? We guess it could have been both.
And Then She Actually Met Up with Justin Bobby!
Although the series left the question of whether or not they banged/porked up in the air.
The Brody of It All
Brody Jenner just casually mentioned that his dad revealed four years ago that he wanted to be called “Caitlyn” and wanted to live life as a woman and… that was just it. You’d think this would be a MAJOR storyline for a key cast member, no?
Brody also said he found it awkward that his wife, Kaitlynn Carter, and his dad, Caitlyn Jenner, shared the same legal name when said out loud. We guess this is true, but it’s not the most awkward part of this situation in our view.
Lots of Trouble at Home?
We also learned that Brody slept in his car the night before becayse he slammed Kaitlynn for being “a nightmare” when he came home after a late night of “working” at the club.
Hello… Pamela Anderson?!?
Brandon Lee — one of The Hills’ brand new additions — received a visit from his famous mom, Pamela Anderson. She moved to France when Donald Trump was elected President, yet made the trip to see Brandon and new house.
What Did She Do on the Air?
She saged her son’s home and genitals, of course.
Mischa Barton and Stephanie Pratt are Evidently BFFs
They bonded on the premeire over how Pratt overdosed on drugs prior to getting arrested for shoplifting and how Barton was once a victim of revenge porn after her ex secretly filmed her in the shower and during sex.
Why is Stephanie Back in Los Angeles?
She moved to Los Angeles after years in London to allegedly repair her relationship with her brother and get to know her young nephew.
What About Spencer and Heidi?
We wish we had more to report on these two. Spencer said he was upset that he wasn’t invited to Brody’s wedding and didn’t say a ton more.
What About Heidi?
She took a bubble bath? That’s all we got.
What a Cliffhanger!
The premiere ended with everyone arriving to Stephanie’s “Welcome Home” party. To see what happened next, you’ll need to tune in to episode two!