Offset is already off the hook to some extent…
… consider he just tore the clothes off of Cardi B’s body.
But even though the rapper and his wife are exchanging bodily fluids again, this doesn’t mean they’re a full-fledged couple once again.
In the face of all his cheating and his many misdeeds, Offset continues to do all he can to win Cardi back over.
How so?
Consider the lavish gifts he bestowed upon Cardi for Christmas this year.
We’ve shared photos of them below, courtesy of Cardi’s Instagram account, and let’s just put it this way:
If it means receiving these items, it may almost be worth getting cheated on. As long as your partner is mega rich, that is….
Remember the Break-Up Video?
It wasn’t THAT long ago that Cardi released a video announcing her divorce, telling the world: “We are really good friends and we are really good business partners… And we got a lot of love for each other… But things just haven’t been working out between us for a long time.”
How Dare He?!?
Not exactly. Cardi didn’t accuse Offset of cheating at this time. She simply said: “It’s nobody fault I guess. We just grew out of love… We are not together anymore.”
And Then the Rumor Mill Started Churning…
… FAST! Chatter over Offset’s cheating has been running rampant, with a woman named Summer Bunni alleging she totally boned the rapper during his marriage.
Offset Hasn’t Exactly Denied the Accusations
Quite the opposite, really. He’s confessed to messing up a bunch, but also apologized and says he wants to remain married.
PLEASE, CARDI!
“We’re going through a lot of things right now, a lot of things in the media. I want to apologize to you Cardi. I embarrassed you. I made you go crazy,” he said in the above video, for instance.
But Money Talks
And Offset spent a lot of it on Cardi this holiday season.
Okay, Wow. So What Did He Get Her?
We can start with these: two Chanel handbags, a bright red one and the black Quilted Caviar Jumbo Classic Double Flap Bag, which retails for $6,950.
Damn! What Else?
We’re just getting started. There were also four extravagant and rare Hermès top-handle Birkin bags, which start at $12,000.
Wait, a Handbag Can Cost $12,000?!?
Apparently! We’re shaking our damn heads here, too.
Offset Did Have Some Help
“Thanks @priveporter for helping… he knew [sic] to this,†Cardi wrote on Instagram Stories, referencing Privé Porter, a luxury shopping service that helps source new Hermès bags.
How Much Did THOSE Cost?!?
Well… Cardi showed off a pair of silver sparkly pointy-toe pumps… bow-adored ankle-strap heels… a pair of snake-skin ankle booties… sheer sparkly siege pumps… sparkly silver sandals with a pair of matching pumps… gold ankle-strap heels with T-strap design … and a pair of $1,895 over-the-knee graffiti-print boots.
That’s Insane!
We know. But it was also insane for Cardi to tell the world that she missed Offset’s penis and said she wanted it to demolish her again, which she admitted even after all the cheating stories came out.
And Demolish Her He Did!
Offset and Cardi B were caught jet skiing and enjoying each other’s company in Puerto Rico the weekend before Christmas.
They’re Back Together!
They’re f-cking, at least. We’re not being crude here. This is exactly what Cardi B said shortly after the vacation.
Are We Husband and Wife Again?
Eh, maybe. But “I just had to get f-cked. That’s all,†Cardi explained to fans about why she was spotted with Offset.
But Why Would They Actually Get Back Together Now?
Think about it: Offset can go around banging Instagram models and still pound flesh with Cardi whenever he wants.
And Cardi?
She can get demolished on demand, basically, while also receiving thousands and thousands of dollars worth of gifts from her sort-of-but-not-really-ashamed husband.
Slunds Like a Win-Win!
For everyone except the tiny person featured here, it is. This would be the couple’s young daughter, Kulture. We really hope she never learns how to Google her parents later in life.