Last week, we showed viewers a sneak peek of Brandan and Mary’s first kiss.
This came after an ugly breakup while Brandan was flying out to see her. They fought, they split, and they got back together.
We get the impression that this happens a lot. Not encouraging, to say the least.
On this week’s 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way, we saw them patch things up before meeting for the first time.
We also saw Mary’s grandparents and brother tell her — no sex, no kissing. In fact, they want Brandan to ask their permission before he holds her hand.
Remember when Mary dumped Brandan?
Brandan De Nuccio was on his way to see her in the Philippines. It wasn’t just his first time leaving the US; he was also moving to live with Mary Rosa forever after their long-term, long-distance nonstop surveillance. But because he briefly lost his wifi signal and because the airline set a (gasp) woman next to him, Mary pitched a fit and told him that she didn’t want to see him. Now, however, they’re back together. We can only guess how many times this has played out since they began their toxic entanglement.
“It’s just misunderstanding; it’s normal.”
We see Mary tell her grandfather, Dionesio, and her grandmother, Lucia, that this was just a normal misunderstanding. They had heard her fighting with Brandan. Obviously, there is nothing normal about this couple’s twisted obsession with each other. Both 23-year-olds seem to be immensely likable as individuals. Like, they’d be lovely (albeit not interesting enough for the show) if they weren’t stalking and sabotaging each other.
Mary’s parents are somewhat supportive
They did not expect to have to raise Mary and her brother, Romar, given their ages. They also speak to the camera about how this was a challenge. While they clearly love Mary, they also set some fairly toxic ground rules for after Brandan arrives. Though it’s a little nuanced — as we’ll explain.
“Don’t do it with him”
Some phrases and euphemisms transcend langauge. “Do it” as a euphemism for either beheading Count Dooku or having sex (in this case, the latter) seems to be one such example. And they tell her that they don’t want her boning Brandan, even though she’s (literally) crazy about him and they’re both grown adults.
“Don’t sleep with him”
There is SOME nuance to this, even though they’re telling her what to do with her body. Mary is a devout Catholic, to the point where she would consider becoming a nun if things with Brandan fall through. So while it’s never okay to tell someone to abstain (or to not abstain) from sex with their own human body, one could view this as religious advice. As in, a reminder of what she believes. (If she and Brandan have had the kind of video interactions that fans assume, that likely breaks plenty of Catholic rules, but whatever)
WHAT
Then, Mary’s grandfather mentions that Brandan must ask his and her grandmother’s permission “before he can hug” her or even hold her hand. That is extreme. Like, borderline Duggar cult extremes (without the rampant child abuse, but still). That is not any part of any Catholic teaching that we’ve ever heard of.
Permission for hand-holding?
Mary explains that this isn’t just about abstaining from sex before marriage due to her Catholic beliefs. According to her, it is not uncommon in the Philippines for someone to ask a parent’s permission before hugging or hand-holding. This is one of those “cultural differences are great but right and wrong don’t change” situations. Obviously, no one gets to own another human being.
“All we want is respect”
On the one hand, it sounds like her grandparents are trying to be reasonable and encouraging. But on the other, they’re not really succeeding. We get it — everyone is a product of their culture. That doesn’t mean that you get to tell someone else to do with their body. We’ll see how this plays out. After all, we remember the toxic nightmare of Betty Gibbs a couple of years ago as she made similar rules for her son and his fiancee.
Mary promises to tell Brandan
He is sleeping, by the way. Yes, Mary is on a perpetual video call with him even at that moment. Multiple times, she encourages them to not wake him. (Girl, just mute the phone) However, Mary tells the confessional camera that she wants her first meeting with Brandan to be “natural.” In other words, she’s not eager to tell him to keep his hands off.
“But don’t kiss”
Romar, Mary’s brother, rides with her to the airport. He is closer to her age and obviously more chill about things … but only up to a point. He reminds his sister that she should not kiss Brandan.
Together at last
Even fans who fully believe that these two are destroying each other’s lives with their suffocating surveillance relationship wonder if them meeting might be a good thing. Maybe it’s magical thinking, but sometimes people do mellow out. (And sometimes, meeting magnifies everything even further) Still, it’s very sweet to watch them hug for the first time.
And their first kiss!
Seemingly unaware of the extremely strict cultural expectations and familial instructions at play, Brandan follows Mary’s request. He pulls down his mask and hers and then they share their first kiss.
“I don’t know how to kiss”
Given her upbringing, the nature of her friend group, her religious beliefs, and her culture, not to mention her young age, Mary has never kissed before. Not only can Brandan teach her how, but they can figure it out together. Different people kiss differently. Meanwhile, Mary’s brother resolves to respect the couple’s time together since they’ve literally been waiting for this for so long. That’s good of him.
Whoops!
Brandan and Mary end their video call. They were, Mary points out, “still on the phone” during their first kiss. We’d love to see these two get over their bonkers issues, because they’re so sweet and endearing on their own.