Jennifer Aniston is a childless spinster who is destined for a life of sadness and loneliness.
This is more or less what you'd believe if you read stories about the actress online, many of which focus on her failed relationships and inability to become a mother.
With this in mind, Aniston would like your attention.
She's featured on the cover of InStyle's September 2018 issue and she has something to say about your preconceived notions regarding her existence.
Ready to be blown away by the truth?
Take it away, Jen...
This is how InStyle captioned an Instagram photo of Aniston on its cover, preparing readers for a revealing interview: "Talk about her all you like, but with great friends, new projects, and still-perfect hair, September cover star Jennifer Aniston is doing just fine. And at 49, she knows who she is. That means no boundaries, no bullshit, and lots of laughing."
What Does the Internet Say About Her?
Come on. You know the answers: that she has never gotten over Brad Pitt, that she's desperate to be a mother, that she's miserable after her divorce from Justin Theroux. Heck, Aniston herself knows the answers, as she says in this cover story: "The misconceptions are 'Jen can’t keep a man,' and 'Jen refuses to have a baby because she's selfish and committed to her career.' Or that I'm sad and heartbroken."
Huh? These Rumors are False?
F"irst, with all due respect, I'm not heartbroken," Aniston says. "And second, those are reckless assumptions. No one knows what’s going on behind closed doors. No one considers how sensitive that might be for my partner and me."
And Another Thing!
"They don't know what I’ve been through medically or emotionally," Aniston says on the topic of pregnancy. "There is a pressure on women to be mothers, and if they're not, then they're deemed damaged goods. Maybe my purpose on this planet isn't to procreate. Maybe I have other things I'm supposed to do."
Remember in July 2016?
Aniston fired back at critics
in similarly admirable fashion. "The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing," she said back then, adding with force: "We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child... We get to determine our own ‘happily ever after’ for ourselves."
Maybe Aniston tried to have a baby and was unable to do so medically. Maybe she doesn't want one. All we know for sure is this: It's nobody's business!
Jen Does Love Kids
She was actually interview for InStyle here by Jimmy Kimmel's wife and her good friend, Molly McNearney, who is the mother to 4-year-old daughter Jane and 1-year-old son Billy. Says Aniston of these toddlers: "I love those rascals. Also, they're good kids. I have to say, we're lucky. There's not one kid in the group where you think, 'That little brat.'"
As for Her Divorce?
Aniston would like you to put away those violins. "When a couple breaks up in Hollywood, it's the woman who is scorned," Aniston says of reaction to her split from Theroux. "The woman is left sad and alone. She's the failure. F that. When was the last time you read about a divorced, childless man referred to as a spinster?"
Sexism Abounds in Hollywood
This isn't exactly a shocker, but Aniston says here: "I've definitely had my fair share of sexism in the media. Women are picked apart and pitted against one another based on looks and clothing and superficial stuff."
In light of the Time's Up and #MeToo movements, many stars have come forward to share their experiences with sexual harassment in the workplace. Yes, the actress says that she's been the victim of "some sloppy moves" made on her by other actors, but adds that she's "never had anyone in a position of power make me feel uncomfortable and leverage that over me. I've been treated worse verbally and energetically by some women in this industry."
An Enlightening Message
On the issue of sexism and harassment overall, Aniston says: "We... need to be better at listening to one another. That includes men. They need to be part of this conversation. When everyone is mad and aggressive, people become too afraid to speak and there is no conversation. Same goes for politics. We need to include each other, to hear each other out. We can't stoop to the anger. Michelle Obama said it best: 'When they go low, we go high.' We should all be living by that if we want real progress."
Would She Actually Leave Hollywood?
Yes. "There have been moments when I would just love to get out of dodge and move to Switzerland - or somewhere - and start anew. Just have this sh-t behind me. Does it really matter? Are we really doing anything? What is my life's purpose?. Every seven years I try to sum up what I am doing and what I want to make my focus. I'm trying to make better choices. I went through a period of saying yes to projects that I shouldn't have, but I felt like, 'How dare I say no?' Now I'm trying to get better at saying no and to be a part of projects that actually, really matter..."
Also, She Used to Be Overweight
"I was one of those kids who got sort of bullied, and I don't know why. I was one of the kids who the others would decide to make fun of. It was an odd period of time during fifth, sixth, seventh grades. I was a little on the chubby side, so I was just that kid."
And Also... She's a Stalker!
"I will totally admit that I can dip into Instagram and sort of be a secret voyeur," she says. "I'm a creeper. There are times when I'll look through and think, 'Oh my god, what a time suck!' I've been with people who spend maybe an hour figuring out this one post, and you're like, 'That just took up an hour of your life, and it's gone in 60 seconds.'"
Will We Ever See Her on Social Media?
It's unlikely. "It feels like we are losing connection. I think we're losing conversation. It's hard enough being a teenager and feeling like you fit in. Now we're actively creating an environment and a platform for you to tell someone, 'I like you' or 'I don't like you.' That seems like an unhealthy formula for already-insecure adolescents. We're pouring fuel on a fire."
Let's Get to the Biggest Question of All
No, not will she get back together with Brad Pitt. But this: Will there be a Friends reunion?!?!?!?
"Before that show ended, people were asking if we were coming back," Aniston recalls. "Courteney [Cox] and Lisa [Kudrow] and I talk about it. I fantasize about it. It really was the greatest job I ever had. I don't know what it would look like today, but you never know. So many shows are being successfully rebooted."
Who Do We Need to Convince, Jen?
"I know Matt LeBlanc doesn't want to be asked that question anymore," she says of the reunion. "But maybe we could talk him into it. Or we just give it some time and then Lisa, Courteney, and I could reboot The Golden Girls and spend our last years together on wicker furniture."
All This Said, Aniston Isn't Going Anywhere
"I'm grateful as long as people still want me to come to the party," Aniston says of her career and even some of the attention she receives. "I think I'll always want to keep acting as long as there's a desire for me to do it. As long as I'm fulfilled in other ways creatively, spiritually, and all of that stuff, I know that I could do this until they put me in a home."