Farrah Abraham: I'm a Cool, Hot Young Mom 'Cause I Teach Sophia and Friends All About Sex!

… Cool?

Farrah Abraham does this thing where she likes to talk about what a good mother she is even though we’ve never seen any evidence of this.

An Achievement

Sure, she’s managed to keep Sophia alive for the past 11 years, and there have been times when it’s seemed like they’ve had fun together, but there’s also just been so, so much bad stuff.

Ugh

We saw Farrah neglect Sophia often on Teen Mom 2 — she would leave her in many precarious positions when she was a baby, like alone at the top of the stairs, or at the edge of a tall bed, or in the sink when she was giving her a bath.

Huh?

And then there was the time when she left four-year-old Sophia with her parents (remember, we saw her mother hit her on Teen Mom, so maybe it wasn’t the best choice) while she went off to Florida, and when asked about it, she said “Sophia has her own life and is doing her own thing, and I’m doing mine.” Because that’s something a parent says about their small child.

Yikes

Remember the time that Farrah said in an interview that she and Sophia take naked photos of each other and save them on their phones? You may have blocked that out, but it definitely happened.

Suspicious

And then there’s the whole thing where many people believe she’s been supporting herself by working as an escort overseas — and how she often takes Sophia along with her on those trips.

Oh No

If you still have any doubts about Farrah and her parenting skills (or the lack of skills, as it were), then you really just need to remember that she pulled Sophia out of school a few years ago so she could homeschool her.

Ouch

Yep, Farrah Abraham is in charge of another human being’s education. Can you imagine?

Too Easy

Look, it would be very, very easy to sit here all day and compile a list of every questionable thing she’s ever done with Sophia, but no one has time for that.

Here We Go

Instead, let’s talk specifically about the questionable things she said about her in this new interview with Us Weekly.

So you remember that time that she hit Sophia in the face with a vibrator a few weeks ago?

A Closer Look

Well, she didn’t hit her in the face with the actual vibrator, she hit her in the face with the box it came in. But still, it was weird, and a lot of people thought it wasn’t a very nice or appropriate thing to do.

Not Having It

But if you want to criticize her for that, she’s not going to listen.

What?

“That was an online trend … about doing quirky things and hitting people in the face with [stuff],” she says, like it was part of the trend to hit your kid with a sex toy.

OK

“I don’t really feel like I can be shamed when I protect my child,” she adds. “I educate my daughter. We have so much fun on TikTok. … I think I’m doing pretty great.”

Sure

About educating Sophia, Farrah says “I’m a homeschool mom, a veteran. I have a teacher’s card. I have been homeschooling Sophia for about four years.”

A Good Choice?

And one thing she’s already taught Sophia (who, again is 11 years old) about?

Of Course

The birds and the bees, y’all!

The Explanation (Kind Of)

She’s talked with Sophia about sex already “Because when the kids all like to do sleepovers and some of her friends have older siblings, um, yeah, I definitely had to do a talk with the parents after what I heard.”

Stepping Up

“To be honest with you,” she says, “it’s really only been prompted by all the other parents not really having those talks.”

Translation, Please

Her issue is that the parents of Sophia’s friends, particularly the parents who have sons, haven’t talked to their children about “what is proper,” because that is an area in which Farrah is obviously an expert.

All Right

“That has kind of sped up the conversations that I have to have with my daughter, because of boys in her age group, and or, at her sleepovers with her girlfriends who have brothers.”

Mama Bear

Farrah admits that she’s been “very shocked by some of the things that have happened” at Sophia’s sleepovers, and that she’s “no joke when it comes to being a mama bear.”

Easy, Killer

She says that when she hears about something happening at a sleepover, “I will pick up the phone — I won’t go in person. I will go talk to the parents.”

What a Hero

“The parents have really, most of the parents were all older than me,” she continues. “So they have really honed in on their responsibility. They’re like, ‘You know what? We let it go. We appreciate you stepping in. Thank you, Farrah.’”

Seriously Though

What kind of sleepovers is Farrah letting Sophia have? What kind of things have happened there? Is she just so bad at talking that she’s making all of this sound like a serious problem when what’s actually happening is that a bunch of preteens are talking about the things they’ve heard about sex?

Does It Matter?

We’re not sure, but either way, Farrah feels like she deserves a pat on the back for her efforts.

Way to Go, Farrah

She talks again about how great she is at parenting, and she says “I’m cool to mom’s shame cause I’m the toughest mom. I can handle it, but I also really just don’t play into that because I protect my child.”

Right, Right

“I’m all for talking about sex education,” she also says. “I’ve done that for national campaigns. I’ve public spoke to people [and] maybe one day I’ll be at Sophia’s high school, giving them the talk as they graduate.”

No Shaming!

“I feel comfortable and others feel comfortable. And that’s why I get paid a lot of money to talk about no shaming for women.”

What a Ride

Once again, talking is just not where Farrah excels. At all.

Sounds About Right

But if we had to guess, we imagine all she’s saying in this interview is that she’s had the sex talk with Sophia because other kids were saying inappropriate things around her, and that she doesn’t think she should be criticized for that or for anything else she ever does with her daughter because she protects her and also because she’s her teacher.

Classic Farrah

Do you think Sophia is too young to have had The Talk?