Farrah Abraham is single and ready to mingle, fellas!
How do we know that? Girl is looking for love and playing the field online - her Bumble profile is right out there for all to see!
Would you swipe right on the former MTV star?
Check out the way she describes herself to potential suitors, as well as what she's looking for in a mate below, and decide.
Like Farrah's LinkedIn profile, it's ... it's just really interesting. And also completely hilarious. And just a touch mortifying.
Oh Hey Girl!
OK, so picture it: you're just hanging out, messing around on your phone, looking for a soulmate or a hookup or whatever. You open Bumble and you come across this. Farrah, 26, CEO and founder of her own business and educated at the Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale. What do you do?
If you're reading this, then you would probably laugh for the rest of your whole entire life at our girl Farrah presenting herself like this, but what if you didn't know who she was? What if you just thought she was some nice business-minded woman?
So then you'd check out more of her photos and see this -- she likes cute Snapchat filters, how fun! Sure, she obviously indulges in some plastic surgery from time to time, but if she's a smart, successful, fun-loving lady, maybe you can look past that. Heck, maybe you're even into it.
But then you see this. And then ... well, it's tough to say what happens then.
Are you intrigued by this "international celebrity"? She does come out and say that she's on Teen Mom, but she also says that she's a "Business Mogul, New York Times Bestselling Author, Advocate for safe contraception, Owner / Founder Furnished By Farrah, Froco, Sophia Laurent."
Could It Be?!
Could you be the "smart, intelligent, creative, epic" kind of person she's looking to connect with?
OK, obviously this is ridiculous for a number of reasons. Really, just so many reasons.
She obviously wouldn't fill her About section with things like "barely literate" or "famous for getting pregnant at 16" or "most hated reality star ever," but there's probably a balance between that and what she actually wrote, right?
And there's only so much information one can fit in a dating profile, but still, it seems a little careless of her to fail to mention what kind of girlfriend she is. Because she is a crazy one.
When she dated Derek Underwood in high school, she didn't even tell him when she got pregnant, and once they were having sex in her bedroom and her father walked in, then chased Derek out of the house with a knife.
If there's even a remote possibility of being chased by a knife if you get with Farrah, you definitely need to know that going in.
When Sophia was just a little bitty baby, Farrah went on a few dates with another guy, and he was forced to meet her mother, who actually said to him “We would love to have you go to heaven with all of us.”
Again, if there's even a remote possibility of talking to Deb about church and heaven and the lord, then Farrah really needs to be upfront about that on Bumble. That's just common courtesy.
In 2011, Farrah dated a guy named Daniel for a few weeks, and when they went on vacation together, she tried to talk him into proposing. After a few weeks.
Daniel shut that down real quick -- he broke up with her during that vacation and even changed his flight home so he didn't have to go with her. If you make guys run that hard, Farrah, be open about it.
Also in 2011, Farrah tried her hand at online dating perhaps for the first time by hooking up with a guy named Marcel that she met on JDate. Why was she on JDate? Who knows -- why does Farrah ever do any of the things she does?
Sometime after that, Farrah claims she dated adult film star James Deen -- literally the most famous male porn star today -- and her sex tape with him was one they made privately that was then leaked.
So just by the way, if you swipe right on Farrah, know that she's been with an actual porn star, she sells molds of her vagina and her butthole, and that thousands and thousands of people have watched her try to figure out why she can't fist herself. Seems like pertinent information.
Oh, it's also worth mentioning that she dated this douchebag, Simon Saran, and that she purchased an engagement ring for him to give to her and then got furious when he wouldn't pay her back for it.
What a Catch!
Get in line, guys! A girl like this isn't going to be single for long!