The Bachelor featured guest stars galore, one suitors thirsting to be known at this season’s villain and four more broken hearts this week.
It also focused heavily on the fact that Colton Underwood is a virgin.
Shocking, right?!?
As for who made which moves and who wondered if Colton is actually gay?
Hit up our section of The Bachelor spoilers to be, well, spoiled — and scroll down for a rundown of events…
We’re Down to 23 Women and One Virgin
We’d stop mentioning the whole virgin thing if ABC would agree to do the same. It seems to be the only angle they have with Colton.
Mere Seconds Into the Episode, for Example…
… there’s Colton in the shower, telling this awkwardly-placed camera: “It’s the morning of the first group date. Today we’re going to be going to a theater to [slightly uncomfortable pause] tell stories of our firsts.â€Â
A Group Date? Fun!
Especially when Megan Mullally and the amazing Nick Offerman join Demi, Bri, Tracy, Elyse, Hannah G., Nicole, Onyeka and Catherine at a theater where the women are set to take turns telling stories about their “first time.”
Their First What?
Anything, as Mullally explaind. The story could be about a “first kiss, first pet, first time you went to jail; anything that really stands out as something you would like to share with Colton.”
Take It Away, People!
Colton went first and talked about the first time he told his football teammates he was a virgin. Elyse then disclosed this was her first time dating a younger man. And Nicole told the story of the first white man she dated.
Demi Makes Her Move!
Demi then acted our her first: her first kiss with Colton! In front of everyone!
As She Explained:
“When I want something, I’m going after it… and that is the story of how I got the first group-date rose.” (SPOILER ALERT: She didn’t.)
More from Demi…
Later, at the cocktail party, Demi annoyed the other women when she interrupted Colton and Tracy’s conversation – while wearing a bathrobe – and stole him away upstairs.
Meet Your New Villain!
“Hey ladies, I totally just had an amazing time up there with him,” Demi taunted afterward, unprompted. “I gave him a little massage and was chitchatting with him; we had a good time. I feel like I definitely helped him tonight, and I feel really good about everything.”
Elyse for All of Colton’s Wins, Though
Elyse actually earned the group date rose, however, as Colton seemed hypnotized by her… age?
Cougar Alert!
“Age doesn’t define anything,†said the Bachelor, who blushed through his entire one-on-one chat with the beautiful redhead. “I definitely think I can learn a thing or two [from you],” he told Elyse.
Hannah B. Earned the First One-on-One Date
And this didn’t make some suitors happy. “We’re not necessarily the best of friends,” Caelynn said. “We were super close and then she was not happy that I was first runner-up (at Miss USA). There were a lot of hurt feelings, for sure. With Hannah, there’s a facade and it starts to crumble. Hannah kind of snapped.”
Off to Ride Horses and Go on a Picnic!
Hannah struggled on the date. She struggled to make conversation and to even think of a toast, eventually toasting herself (it was her birthday) before adding, “Roll Tide!”
Your Thoughts, Colton?
“Coming into this date, I probably wouldn’t have had to question if I was giving Hannah a rose at the end of the night, and now I’m questioning everything,” Colton said, although he did hand her a rose in the end. “It sort of made me scared that my intuition and my gut isn’t as good as I thought it was.”
Billy Eichner on The Bachelor
For the subsequent group date, Colton and compant went to a campground… where Colton and Chris Harrison were joined by comedian Billy Eichner, who served primarily to provide commentary that seemed to go over the contestants’ heads.
To Wit:
“Oh boy,” he said at one point. “I’m sorry. I wanted a guest spot on ‘The Goldbergs’ and I got this.”
The Line of the Night
“Maybe you’re the first gay Bachelor, and we don’t even know!” Billy told Colton during a heart-to-heart.
As for the Actual Date?
Alex B., Erika, Katie, Caelynn, Sydney, Tayshia, Nina, Kirpa, Caitlin, Courtney, Cassie and Heather were split into two teams for some camp games, including duck-duck-goose, a canoe race and a wheelbarrow race.
Heather
Heather earned the group rose this time around after opening up to Colton about having never kissed anyone before.
Colton Was Impressed
“You know your value, you have self-worth and you’re not going to settle,” Colton told her. “I respect the heck out of that. I really do.”
Time for Goodbyes
“Tonight, I have to follow my heart. If you don’t receive a rose tonight, I’m sorry, and I appreciate you all,” Colton profoundly said prior to handing out the night’s roses.
So, Who Got the Boot?
Our heart goes out to Erika.
And Also to Alex
She be gone.
And to Angelique
Not a stunner here, right?
And, Finally, to Annie
Better luck with someone you actually get to know in a normal setting, Annie. And everyone else here.