Folks, Jenelle Evans is getting desperate.
Now you might be thinking, Jenelle has been desperate for years, and of course, you would be right.
After all, life’s not easy for any washed-up reality star, but it’s especially tough on ones who have never held a real job and who spent their years in the spotlight burning bridges instead of making connections.
In the years since they were cut loose from MTV, neither Jenelle nor her husband David Eason has worked a single day, and they’re still holding tight to the dream that their diminishing fame — or infamy, as the case may be — will save them from ever having to do so.
Of course, these days the on-again, off-again couple is running out of options, and their situation is getting sadder and sadder.
When the phone rings on The Land these days, it’s more likely to be a bill collector demanding payment than Jenelle’s agent (assuming she still has one) offering work.
If Evans’ infamous temper tantrums hadn’t cost her so much — if she had never abused a single animal or wished death on a soldier who was soon to be deployed to Iraq — then perhaps she would be able to score some lucrative sponsored content deals.
As it is, however, she’s forced to scrape the bottom of the media barrel by working with none other than the poor man’s Alex Jones.
We’re talking, of course, about Candace Owens.
In case you’re blessedly unfamiliar, Owens is a former leftist who turned right when she decided that Republicans would be more susceptible to her unique brand of smooth-brained grifting.
Within the space of a year, Owens went from joking about the size of Trump’s penis (small, she imagined) and fantasizing about the deaths of elderly Tea Partiers to using terms like "libtard" to describe anyone who disagrees with her.
Now, apparently, she’s trying to become the next Ellen or Oprah, and for some reason, she thinks Jenelle is her ticket to mainstream fame.
Owens hosts a web series that just debuted in late March, but she’s hoping that Z-list guests like Jenelle will skyrocket her straight to "no last name necessary" stage of her career.
Jenelle excitedly shared the news with fans this week, and it was as depressing as it sounds.
"Hey you guys. It’s Jenelle Evans, and I am on Candace," Evans said in a recent Instagram Story.
"And I am going to her an exclusive interview about what I’ve been up to, what happened in my past since my contract had ended. Stay tuned."
Jenelle also shared a clip of Owens introducing her on the show:
"Today she is here to speak out in an exclusive interview for the first time since her contract with MTV ended," Candace said.
"Please help me welcome to the show, Jenelle Evans Eason."
Of course, Jenelle has spent the past two years telling the world every single detail of her mundane life, so we can’t imagine what sort of "secrets" she might have been saving for Candace.
But if you’re dying of curiosity, all you have to do is shell out for a membership, and you can watch Jenelle get interviewed by a talk show host.
Obviously, a has-been pseudo-celeb telling her sob story to a bargain basement Oprah wannabe is not the sort of thing of thing you can see on television for free any hour of the day or night …
… Hold on, we’re that that is exactly the sort of thing you can see on television for free any hour of the day or night.
But if you subscribe to Candace’s show, you’ll also get … her interviewing one of those Duck Dynasty guys?
Okay, apparently Owens’ business model "see if people will pay for background noise TV."
Best of luck with that, Candy!
In case you were wondering, yes Jenelle and David flew to California for the show, and Jenelle was not bothered by esophageal spasms, or any of the other health problems that supposedly prevent her from seeking employment.
But hey, at least the kids got a break from those two for a few days.
We’re sure the malnourished goat or whomever Jenelle left in charge is every bit as capable a caretaker as the younguns are accustomed to!