Samantha Markle: I'm Being Attacked By Meghan's Army of Trolls!

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When discussing the vitriol-spewing professional hater Samantha Markle, we often compare Meghan's half-sister to the wicked stepsisters found in so many children's books.

After all, much of Meghan's story is the stuff of fairy tales, so it only makes sense that she would be forced to contend with a jealous villain in her own family, a la Cinderella.

Of course, no fairy tale is complete without some menacing, mythical creature like a dragon, or a goblin -- or, in this case, a whole bunch of trolls!

Meghan and Samantha

Despite the fact that she herself is a lifelong troll (trolling since before there was an internet to troll on!), Samantha claims that she's being victimized by an army of haters working on Meghan's behalf.

You see, Samantha is soon to publish her long-threatened memoir about Meghan entitled The Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister, Part 1.

(Yes, she starts name-calling on the freakin' cover, and yes, it seems she's planning a sequel.)

Samantha and Meghan

Now, she says that all the one-star reviews online are the result of Meghan fans blasting her hate-filled book before they've even given it a chance!

"Barnes & Noble will be scrubbing nasty troll remarks a couple of times a day because they know that they are not credible and the book is not out yet," Sam complained this week.

"The book is insightful and relatable and with so much going on in the world today I think there is something in the book for everyone who seeks truth and a sense of humanity," she continued.

"Everything the public thought was going on behind the scenes, was a social construct taken from fragments of gossip."

Samantha Markle

"I’m sure it’s full of distorted fantasies by the author," reads one of the "not credible" reviews on the book's Barnes & Noble page (sounds mighty credible to us!).

Several reviewers made sure to call Sam a "spoiled brat," which is an insult she loves hurling at Meghan.

Sam, of course, has defended her book without actually addressing any of the criticisms against it.

Sam Markle

“Contrary to troll gossip and aggregate news rumours, my book has never been designed to attack my sister," she recently told Us Weekly.

Failing to recognize the irony in the fact that she was being interviewed by a tabloid, Samantha went on to claim that her book has nothing in common with the tabloids.

“It’s relatable. There’s a lot to learn - the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve been very forthcoming that I was never writing a hardbound tabloid," Sam continued.

Samantha Markle on TV

"I said that two years ago, but nobody wanted to believe it.”

Fun fact: We still don't want to believe it!

Despite the fact that the book is not yet available, some of the criticism against it might be legitimate.

Samantha Tweets

For example, there's the fact that Samantha seems to have misspelled the word "memoir" on the cover of the freakin' book!

Speaking of Twitter, one glance at Sam's page tells you everything you need to know about the vicious trolling campaign she's been conducting against her sister.

For one, her tweets are locked, which is highly unusual for a first-time author with a book to promote.

Samantha Tweets 2

But to be fair, there's good reason for it -- Samantha kept getting reported to the site's admins for her frequent use of racist and homophobic slurs, so she decided to limit her audience to fellow bigots.

That means all we have to go on is Sam's bio -- and boy, is it a doozy.

From the Trump flag to the Florida residency to the random, context-free Candace Owens shout-out, Samantha is a textbook Karen, and she wants the whole world to know it.

Samantha Markle Picture

So if you like 2020 didn't offer enough in terms of seething, politically- and racially-charged white furor, maybe you should pick up a copy of Samantha's book.

If, on the other hand, you're a part of the tiny segment of Americans who have managed to hold onto their sanity, maybe you should skip this one and just read the reviews instead.

We're sure they're infinitely more entertaining and truthful.

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