It often seems that not a week goes by without Jenelle Evans and David Eason breaking up.
Critics are usually quick to dismiss these blink-and-you-miss-it separations as publicity stunts, but they fail to consider one important factor:
Both David and Jenelle are psychotic and have zero control over their emotions.
Sleep-deprived toddlers are like the freakin’ Dalai Lama compared to the Easons.
Jenelle is broke, of course, so we’re sure there have times when she dumped David in the hope that MTV would reward her by giving her her job back.
But most of the time these conspiracy theorists are just giving her too much credit, like when Trump tweets "covfefe," and everyone starts guessing at what sort of secret message he’s sending his undercover special ops.
The truth of course, is usually much simpler — we’re merely witnessing what happens when an adult with the attention span of a pet hamster in a meth lab somehow winds up making important decisions in a public setting.
Anyway, last week, David killed and ate his kids’ pet goat, and while Jenelle should not have been surprised by this stunt, she was apparently upset.
“So what are you doing with the cat?” she wrote on David’s Facebook page.
“Well, your things are ready to go [and] will be here when you get back.”
Obviously, it sounds like Jenelle was pissed about the goat situation — so pissed, in fact, that she planned to once again kick David to the curb over it.
She never addressed it directly but she did post an Instagram Story in which she could be seen gently petting some of the other goats that live on her property.
We guess she does have an ounce of compassion in her somewhere, after all!
Fans arrived at the logical conclusion and assumed that the Elvis incident (so named for the poor, departed goat) had resulted in yet another David-Jenelle breakup.
“David left because Jenelle got pissed off at him about all of the negative backlash about the goat," one person commented, as reported by The Sun.
“So they get into a fight, he leaves, Jenelle realizes she’s alone and begins crying her eyes out at the top of her lungs," another remarked.
“Go get that cat before they’re eating cat nuggets tomorrow for dinner," a third chimed in.
Unfortunately, we can’t tell if Jenelle is making a tasteless joke, or if David has actually absconded with a cat.
Normally, we would assume she was kidding, but this is the same guy who shot and killed the family dog (in front of his kids, no less), seemingly for no reason than he was in a bad mood that day.
Of course, as always, it’s possible that Jenelle is just pretending to take action so that her few remaining fans will stop being mad at her.
Whatever the case, she and David have probably already moved on to their next drama.
They probably think the constant tension in their home would make for a good reality show, but they don’t realize that it’s all too much.
We’re sure they’re shooting constant footage these days, but in all likelihood, it just winds up looking like the cast of Honey Boo Boo reenacting Breaking Bad in fast forward.