When it comes to domestic violence situations, a machete is Amber Portwood’s weapon of choice.
So it’s a little ironic that when she ended her relationship with Matt Baier, the girl really dodged a bullet.
Yes, Amber may be a domestic abuser and an all-around horrible person, but Matt Baier is a strong contender worst boyfriend in the history of the Teen Mom franchise, which is really saying something.
Back in 2017, Matt and Amber broke up in hilariously ironic fashion.
They were filming a season of Marriage Boot Camp when Amber fell for one of the show’s producers, Andrew Glennon.
That relationship moved quickly, and the couple welcomed a son — but it all fell apart when Amber was arrested for assaulting Andrew back in July.
As for Matt, he may not have gotten caught up in anything quite so scandalous, but he’s been busy in his own right.
Late last year, Baier got engaged yet again, this time to a woman named Jennifer Guess.
As first reported by Starcasm, the couple’s wedding registry offers an account of their meet-cute at the 2019 World Series of Poker.
Hilariously, it sounds exactly like all of Matt’s previous engagement stories.
"All it took was their eyes meeting for the first time," the couple wrote.
"Matt grabbed Jenn’s attention and even though he was done with women forever he asked her out. That night they met up and the rest was history. They spent everyday following by each others side and fell in love," the saga continues.
"The two have never left each others side and are excited to be united as one. The two have joined lives and have already become a loving family," Matt and Jenn droned on.
"Matt and Jenn are looking forward to sharing their story of true love and will do so in a beautiful ceremony of marriage. Love is blind and has no barriers," the couple concluded.
"Matt and Jenn have never felt love like this and look forward to celebrating their love on February 2, 2020 and bonding their love forever."
Yeah … about that last part.
February 2 came and went, and Matt and Jenn still aren’t married.
They never officially announced a breakup, but Jenn’s Facebook status has been changed to "single."
It looks as though these two briefly reconciled in March, a time when Jenn started sharing a lot of memes about love and forgiveness.
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear," reads a quote from Martin Luther King that she shared a few weeks back.
“This says it all. As much as I want to hate, I still forgive you," she captioned the meme.
Shortly thereafter, however, she and Matt appeared to call it quits again.
As for the cause of the split — well, there are so many reasons to break up with Matt Baier that Jenn may have had trouble picking just one.
We’re guessing near the top of her list was the fact that he was still married, to a different woman named Jenn — and the two of them have a child whom Matt never sees.
"No contact, Matthew has never been with Christian, I am the one raising him," Jenn the first wrote in her recent sole custody request.
"Matthew has showed no interest. He is also financially unfit," she continued.
"I am asking for full primary physical and sole custody."
A broke, conniving deadbeat?
How is this guy still single?!
Better move fast, ladies! Matty B won’t be on the market for long!