The first night of this season of Dancing With The Stars showed that Sean Spicer can’t do anything right. That didn’t change much on night two.
But that’s not to say that there weren’t some absolutely shocking twists — most of them coming from the judges.
There were some massive improvements in the space of a week, but somebody had to go home. See who it was.
First, let’s cover James Van Der Beek and Emma Slater.
Their Cha Cha was an absolute delight to watch. James is a strong, energetic performer.
He was awarded a 7, 6, 7.
Sailor Brinkley-Cook and Val Chmerkovskiy did a little worse than last week.
The Rumba requires a lot of comfort and intimacy, and they clearly just don’t have that — not yet, anyway.
Sorry if you’re superstitious, but their emotional distance earned them a lackluster 6, 6, 6.
Ray Lewis and Cheryl Burke did not wow the audience.
Their Foxtrot didn’t go so well. Ray’s movements seemed overly restrained and lacked enthusiasm or flare.
Dial up your fictional movie-phone, because the pair received a 5, 5, 5 from the judges.
Ally Brooke and Sasha Farber attempted a beautiful dance with a reasonable amount of success.
The Viennese Waltz requires a great deal of grace, and while other dances encourage high energy, they were a little too exuberant to be graceful.
Still, they did well, receiving a 7, 6, 7.
Mary Wilson and Brandon Armstrong didn’t do well last week … or this week.
Their Cha Cha was awkward and Mary seemed almost dizzy (even the judges commented). This week, she couldn’t blame her wig.
That’s another 5, 5, 5 for the evening.
Lauren Alaina and Gleb Savchenko brought a great attitude to their dance.
The Paso Doble needs good energy and the right emotional state. Unfortunately, it also needs for you to remember the dance’s timing.
The pair were awarded a 6, 6, 7. Not bad.
Sean Spicer and Lindsay Arnold made some effort to recover from whatever last week’s dance was supposed to be.
This time, it was the tango, and it was frankly abysmal. Like, even if Sean were a good person, we’d be saying that.
Spicey got a 6, 5, 5 from the panel.
Karamo Brown and Jenna Johnson clearly wanted a challenge this week.
Trying a quickstep so early in the season is ambitious, but they did a genuinely good job.
Two fo the judges thought so, as they received a 7, 5, 7.
Kate Flannery and Pasha Pashkov were perhaps the most dramatically improved of the night.
They did a considerably good job with their Foxtrot, compared to last week when they barely seemed to be dancing.
The judges agreed and awarded them a 7, 7, 7.
Kel Mitchell and Whitney Carson got off to a strong start.
They approached the Samba with great presence and energy, only to mess up a little at the end.
Their score was 7, 6, 7.
Lamar Odom and Peta Murgatroyd really wanted a triumphant comeback after last week’s awkwardness.
While their Salsa almost started okay, it was clear that Lamar can’t remember the dance steps. Peta was basically mirroring or prompting him.
That dismal dance earned a crushing 4, 4, 4.
Hannah Brown and Alan Bersten wowed the audience and judges alike.
They did an astoundingly graceful Viennese Waltz that had viewers floored.
Judges granted the pair an 8, 8, 8.
Bizarrely, both Lamar and Sean were declared safe.
Lamar, we get — he’s a popular guy who draws in both sport interest and Kardashian interest.
But Sean Spicer is extremely polarizing and just an abysmal dancer. It’s hard to see why they’re bending over backwards to keep him aboard.
Instead, Mary Wilson was the first to be sent home.
After Lamar and Sean, that was such an odd choice that conspiracy theorists think that she may be grappling with a health problem.
That would explain her lack of balance. We wish her the best.