Folks, we’re gonna be honest — we don’t really know what’s going on here.
We’ve brought you many, many Florida Man stories over the years, and usually, they’re bizarre and trashy, and they frequently involve gators and/or dynamite — but they always make some sort of sense, and it’s generally pretty easy to figure out the motives of the principal players.
This one, however, has thrown us for a loop.
Is it opposite day? Are we in Bizarro World? Is M. Night Shyamalan writing the news today?
Whatever the case this is a twist that no one could have seen coming.
Pasco County resident Byron Christianoudis, 48, was arrested this week after he allegedly attacked his 70-year-old roommate.
Abnormal behavior by the standards of any other state, but pretty standard Florida Man stuff so far.
But here’s the twist:
Christianoudis attacked his elderly roomie because the man accused him of taking too many showers!
Frankly, we didn’t know that anyone, anywhere in the world took issue with their roommates being too hygienic.
And we definitely didn’t know that this happens in Florida, where a single ride on Splash Mountain is generally considered to be sufficient bathing for an entire summer.
Now, we probably don’t need to tell you that this was not Mr. Christianoudis’ first arrest.
No, the original Greek Freak was taken into custody in 2015 after he was caught masturbating on a public beach.
Christianoudis was allegedly looking at an adult woman and a girl who were seated near water’s edge.
Asked what motivated this nauseating act of self-pleasure, Christianoudis offered the following explanation:
“My girlfriend was out of town and I miss her."
Clearly, dude is an old school romantic.
At first, it might seem like these two incidents have nothing to do with one another — but we’d like to posit that there may be a connection
Byron’s roommate was upset by how much time he was spending in the shower.
Byron’s roommate probably knew about his previous arrest and the effect that water seems to have on Mr. Christianoudis.
You see what we’re getting at?
We’re sure the poor roommate eventually reached the point where he could no longer convince himself that the stalactites on the bathroom ceiling were the result of violent sneezing fits brought on by Byron’s extreme allergy to body wash.
Gross … but that’s Florida for ya!