Well, the big day is almost at hand, and the entire British empire is waiting with bated breath.
No, we don’t mean the operation to remove the massive stick from Piers Morgan’s arse — we’re talking about Meghan Markle’s due date!
Yes, the royals have been their usual tight-lipped selves with regard to the specifics, but we have reason to believe that Meghan is due to give birth in April.
So now that the "when" issue is (sort of) settled, royal watchers and compulsive gamblers are free to focus on the other big questions:
Is Meghan having a boy or a girl, and what boring, traditionally English name will they saddle the kid with?
We’ve already held court on what Meghan should name her child, now it’s time to speculate wildly as to what she will name her child.
The usual names are being bandied about, most of them belonging to former monarchs, and sadly, none of the really bonkers ones like Eadwig are in the running.
For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, it seems the people who put money on this sort of thing are convinced that Meghan is soon to welcome a princess.
They claim that both Harry and Meg have commented publicly about the possibility of having a daughter.
We’re sure if you dig through enough archives, you could probably find instances in which they both made references to having a son, too.
But hey, if a couple sound bites make these people feel better about where they’re wagering their quids and fivers, who are we to question them?
So anyway, the UK’s most inquisitive degenerates have had their say.
Not only do they believe Meghan is having a girl they think her name will be [elegant drumroll, please]: Victoria!
Yes, as in Queen Victoria who ruled the British Empire with a perma-scowl and a hearty distaste for anyone with a skin tone darker than bone china from 1837 until 1876.
The theory is that the name checks a lot of boxes for both Harry and Meghan:
It’s as traditional and royal as you can get, while also paying tribute to a badass woman who sat on the throne for freakin’ ever, much to the displeasure of her idle son.
Hey, that reminds us of someone we know!
So why wouldn’t Harry and Meghan just go with Elizabeth and pay tribute to a living literal queen?
Well, oddsmakers seem to think that’s a little too obvious, and the tradition among royals is to christen a child in tribute only after the namesake has died — which for QE2, should be sometime around 2057.
Hey, speaking of paying tribute to departed relatives, one of y’all royals can go ahead and name a daughter Diana any day now!
