Move over, Florida Man.
This Minnesota man would like to have a word with you.
According to The Mankato Free Press, a 58-year old named Duane Arden Johnson was charged late last week with criminal neglect and receiving stolen property after his wife's death on Thursday.
And you really need to be sitting down in order to read the details behind this incident.
First, local deputies told the aforementioned outlet Johnson dialed 911 at about noon to report that his wife, Debra Lynn Johnson, had passed away at the age of 69.
Next, officers arrived at the couple's residence -- only to find the words “Death Parde God Hell” spray-painted on the front door.
From there, a nude Duane Johnson allegedly ran outside and said his wife was dead... and then ran back inside to take a bath.
He was eventually found in the bathtub, hallucinating and attempting to wash white and black “things” from his skin, according to these same authorites.
They added that Debra Johnson's corpse was discovered wrapped in a sheet the top of the stairs.
Poor Debra had apparently been living in a nursing home, but her husband checked her out days earlier because she wanted to die at home.
This is not so unusual. Certainly not when compared to the rest of the story.
Duane said that he and his ailing wife took methamphetamine and that she stopped taking her medications in preparation for her death.
They allgedly spent their final hours having sex and listening to hard metal band Quiet Riot.
At some point, Duane explains, Debra started having convulsions, yet she wouldn't let him call police.
After she passed away, Johnson said he washed his wife's body and wrapped her in linen “like the Bible told me to do.”
Why did he wait several hours to call 911? To ensure she really was dead, Duane told the cops after he was questioned about the timing of everything listed here.
A search of the couple's home, meanwhile, turned up four rifles, two shotguns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition of several varieties, which were reportedly stolen.
As a result, Duane Johnson was arrested without incident and was charged with criminal neglect and felony counts of theft and receiving stolen property.
His bond was set to $250,000; or $150,000 with conditions.
Duane also has prior convictions for assault and DWI and is on probation for driving after license cancellation.
A blood test taken after his DWI arrest in 2014 showed he had used methamphetamine, according to court records.