Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticator to end all prognosticators, is getting hyped as s--t to make his annual Groundhog Day prediction.
What will he tell us early Friday morning?
The man, the myth, the Rust Belt legend without whom Groundhog Day would not be a thing is just hours away from doing HIS thing:
Making his annual prediction at daybreak LIVE from the western reaches of the Keystone State, laying out how 2018 will shake out.
Will there be a shadow sighting, thus signaling six more weeks of winter? Or no shadow, and therefore, an early spring on the horizon?
Only Punxsutawney Phil knows for sure.
February 2, of course, is when this affable, rotund mound of profound knowledge emerges from Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa.
He either sees his shadow or he doesn't. It's as simple as that, yet the stakes at the midway point of winter (exactly!) could not be higher.
A hell of a lot is riding on this s--t, given that if there's a shadow sighting, then we're looking at six more weeks of bitter cold and icy precipitation.
No shadow? Then it's early spring, people!
Awesome as that sounds (and increasingly likely, if you buy into the whole Chinese climate change hoax), we wouldn't wager on this.
Historically, the odds just aren't that great.
In 120 years, Punxsutawney Phil has predicted an "early spring" a sparing 18 times, not a shock since he lives in the Northeast U.S.
Not to mention, one of those times was 2013, when record snowfall totals proceeded to pound much of the U.S. not even a week later.
On the flip side, he's been on top of this s--t since.
Following that epic debacle, which led to a lawsuit by one Ohio county, our man came back strong with back-to-back shadow sightings.
Both preceded extremely wintry weather in 2014-15. In 2016, Phil did not see his shadow and North America saw its warmest winter ever.
Last year, he again saw his shadow and winter roared on with a vengeance as predicted. Suffice it to say, P-squared is back, b-tches.
Hopefully, Punxsy decides to turn in early and get some rest tonight, because we need him to bring his A-game tomorrow morning.
The current forecast for Friday a.m. in the Weather Capitol of the World is mostly cloudy and a chilly 14 degrees, for what that's worth.
How it plays out is anyone's guess, so just sit back, think about your favorite lines from Groundhog Day the movie and bask in the glory.
Early spring or not, this quintessentially American holiday is a great chance to get outside, have fun and enjoy the spectacle of winter.
Come on, it's the second day of February, probably the most dismal point in the entire calendar year. We all need this right now.
And for that, we thank Phil.