Early today, John Mayer was hospitalized for emergency surgery.
Please save your "Your Body Is A Wonderland" jokes for the end.
On Tuesday, Dead & Company's official Twitter account posted this:
"Early this morning, Tuesday, December 5th, John Mayer was admitted into the hospital for emergency appendectomy forcing the Dead & Company December 5th concert in New Orleans to be postponed."
Now, that can be pretty serious. The appendix might not be a vital organ, but when it begins to swell, it's effects can be profoundly painful.
If it were to burst, it would be much, much worse.
Don't freak out that it's an "emergency appendectomy," as ... that's generally how appendectomies work. It's not an elective surgery; you remove it before it kills you.
Even so, this is major surgery. They will in all likelihoods make a number of small incision points, one in his navel and two below his waist. They'll then "inflate" in order to create some wiggle-room and use endoscopic tools to carefully remove the appendix.
Ideally, before it bursts.
Scarring will be pretty minimal -- it's not like those huge abdominal scars that people who got the surgery in years past received.
Recovery will take weeks.
It will probably be days before he's willing to eat again, but unless there are complications, he should be able to be up and (very gingerly) walking as early as tomorrow.
He'll need to avoid alcohol for a few weeks and also avoid any heavy lifting. Sitting up is going to be a pain for several days, at least.
Hopefully, he'll make a full and speedy recovery.
Yeah, a lot of people consider John Mayer to be a douche, but it takes more than rubbing people the wrong way to deserve to have one of your organs explode. That's rough.
Now, when the metaphorical smoke clears and it's announced that John Mayer has made a full recovery, then we can start making jokes.
The "Your Body Is A Wonderland" jokes.
Perhaps some jokes at the expense of Katy Perry, one of John Mayer's many famous exes.
As we all recall, Katy Perry ranked John Mayer as the best at sex when compared to Diplo and Orlando Bloom.
If you feel like making a joke with twists and turns, you can even try to make a joke connecting John Mayer's misbehaving appendix with his allegedly large penis.
(I've thought of several but wouldn't care to subject anyone to them)
That's up to you; just don't tell inappropriate jokes at work.
The Twitter account posted an update:
"All tickets for the December 5 show will be honored for the rescheduled date. Information on the rescheduled date will be announced as soon as possible. Should ticketholders choose to seek a refund, they will be available at point of purchase."
That's great news, though we're sure that ticketholders are currently more concerned about John Mayer's well-being than they are about what to do with their tickets.
We all look forward to when we can poke fun at John Mayer's goofy statements instead of worrying about his health.