If you're not a fan of baseball or tobacco-chewing ex-cons with tobacco chewing ex-con names, then you might not be familiar with Lenny Dykstra.
We won't bore you with the details of Dykstra's career on the field or the shady shenanigans that later landed him behind bars, but suffice it to say, he's one of the sports world's great dirtbags.
In fact, "Nails" is such a colossal douche wagon that he's got us out here defending Lena Dunham.
In one of the most random encounters in the history of social media, Dykstra wound up sleazing up Lena's timeline last night in an exchange that'll leave you in desperate need of a bleach-and-Brillo-pad bath.
It all started when Lena announced that ball players are the new Williamsburg urban farmers:
"I'm horny for baseball players! Wow!" Dunham tweeted without context.
In a feat of either horn-dog opportunism or a surprisingly amusing trolling, Dykstra encouraged Dunham to act on her impulse:
“DM me,” Dykstra tweeted to Lena, later adding video highlights from his career in order to help her "get the bloodflow going."
When fans began to question Dykstra's intentions, he confirmed that he was not actually interested in Dunham sexually, and was actually just bored, presumably having run out of Skoal.
“Oh, I’m just looking to tease her and break her heart," Dykstra tweeted.
“You guys I’m being simultaneously trolled & seduced by @LennyDykstra this day has gotten really f–king weird,” Dunham remarked seemingly have no more idea about what the hell is happening here than we do.
It was then that Dykstra invited Dunham to ride on his - sigh - "space shuttle."
“You know deep down you want to take a ride on the space shuttle," Dykstra tweeted, presumably in reference to his penis.
“Do you just sit around asking your friends ‘what’s the least witty way I can revolt a woman?” Dunham fired back.
Dykstra responded that he can be "so much less witty" than proved his point by offering Lena the use of his baseball bat, before remarking that "Darryl Strawberry's is bigger."
Believe it or not, the two of them went on like this for over an hour.
In terms of WTF?! Lena Dunham scandals, this one is somewhat more shocking than Lena abandoning her dog.
But it's far less baffling than Dunham's comments about her sister, because just about everything on the planet is.
Thanking you for sticking with us through this saga, and we apologize for the loss of your lunch.
We look forward to learning more about the situation in Lena's next Lenny Letter.