29 WTF Quotes From Lena Dunham's New Book By Author Free Britney at Oct 01, 2014 • Category Lena Dunham You need to read the whole thing to do it justice, but these 29 quotes sum up Len Dunham’s new book pretty effectively.1Mmm. DelishWhen I was nine, I wrote a vow of celibacy on a piece of paper and ate it.2Adam Driver RulesMost people’s jobs don’t consist of slamming your vagina against the flaccid, nylon-wrapped penis of a guy wearing massive amounts of…3The Joys of PenisIntercourse felt, often, like shoving a loofah into a Mason jar.4Magical Sexual MomentsI was sure I had already broken my hymen in high school while crawling over a fence in Brooklyn in pursuit of a cat that didn’t want to…5A Teddy Bear With BoobsI was being desexualized in slow motion, becoming a teddy bear with breasts.6Do What You Gotta DoThere I am, drunk on a spring night, yanking my tampon out and hurling it into a bush outside the church.7Go Play With Your SisterMy mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things that I did.8Vaginal PainI associate pain in the vagina with weakness and sadness.9Vagina Equals BritneyIf you have a vagina, by birth or by choice, you will be called ‘mami’ or ‘sweetie’ or ‘Britney Spears.’10She’s a PleaserI learned to masturbate the summer after third grade.11Who Hasn’t Been There?Once, when I was five, I was at an art opening talking to a fabulous drunken British lady.12Early Male AdmirersA year later I have to change my screen name because a boy at school, a massive hairy boy with a face like a Picasso painting, sends me…13Barbie is What?Barbie’s disfigured. It’s OK to play with her just as long as you keep that in mind.14Self ReflectionOne night I put on a nightgown, stepped onto the porch, looked up at the moon, and said, ‘Who am I?’15So ArousingMy earliest memory of sexual arousal is watching Jackie Earle Haley as Kelly Leak in Bad News Bears.16#INVENTEDMy mother invented the selfie.17Coming of AgeI am 20 years old and hate myself. My hair, my face, the curve of my stomach. The way my voice comes out wavering and my poems come out…18A Thin LineRevulsion can quickly become desire when mixed with the right muscle relaxants.19Veganism FTWThis was the same year that I became a vegan. This was inspired by a love of puppies and also a cow who winked at me on a family vacation…20Shower ThoughtsI am thinking particularly of a shower I took where the lower half of my body was under the running water and the upper half was laid out…21The Ultimate StoryThe story has everything: drama, jealousy, drunkenness, friendships ended and cats inherited.22Oh, Woody AllenOver time, my belief in many things has wavered: marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen.23College LifeI was allowed to take my puppy to gym class. My best friend played a didgeridoo he bought off the Internet.24No, Seriously, College RULESI’d create my own schedule that served my need to eat a rich snack every 5-15 minutes.25The Cool KidsThe coolest clique at school was a group of rugby-playing, neon-wearing lesbians.26OBGYNsHe is an older Jewish man who, before deciding to inspect ladies down there for a living, played for the Mets. He inserted the speculum…27Three Essential TruthsI am hot. I am hungry for a snack. But mostly, I am alone.28True Friendship Is …I have the nagging sense that my true friends are waiting for me beyond college, unusual women whose ambitions are as big as their past…29Girl’s Got StyleMy mother and I have a massive fight when I choose to wear a banana-printed belly shirt and pink leggings to the Vatican.