Note to Jessica Simpson:
You're right. We're on your side.
But take a chill pill, will ya?
On multiple occasions over the past years or so, the singer (Second Note: Can we still refer to that as Simpson's job? Discuss!) has been the victim of some pretty intense mommy-shaming.
Multiple Internet users with way too much time on their hands have called Simpson out for what they deemed to be inappropriate photos of her daughter, Maxwell.
First, there was the time Simpson shared the following picture of little Maxwell and wrote as a caption to it:
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like it's better than yours..."
That's a lyric from a 2003 single by Kelis and the "milkshake" in question is a reference to oral sex.
So, yeah. Simpson may have made a mistake then penning this caption.
But then Simpson shared another photo of Maxwell and heard it from the online community for no reason at all.
In early May, Jessica and husband Eric Johnson threw their daughter a mermaid-themed birthday party.
Cute idea, right? The Little Mermaid is a classic Disney movie and children love these imaginary creatures.
In celebration of the occasion, Simpson posted the image below on Instagram, simply passing along a family portrait from the gathering:
But stupid haters didn't see it that way.
They blasted Simpson for daring to dress Maxwell in such a revealing outfit. No, really... they did!
"Parents should never post pictures of their children, especially girls, in swimming attire or underwear," wrote one critic, who believed she was being helpful by adding:
"Perverted predators copy or screen shot the pictures and share them with each other."
Added another: "She's 5. Put some clothes on her. good grief."
And another: "Kinda sad seeing a 5-year-old posing like that..."
Look, if you get sad by seeing a five-year old dressed like a mermaid, well...you're just a sad person in general. We're not sure what else to tell you.
In response to these idiots, Simpson went ahead this week and doubled down.
She shared yet another supposedly "revealing" picture of her toddler, this time showcasing Maxwell riding a scooter while wearing a bikini and writing as a caption "safety first."
And it's true: Maxwell is wearing a helmet! Good for her! Good for Simpson and Johnson!
Far too many parents out there don't force their kids to take this precaution when riding a bike or a scooter.
But Simpson also included a smiley face emoji with this picture, clearly winking at her followers because she knew she'd receive flak for Maxwell's swimsuit.
And we're with her; people criticizing a child for wearing a two-piece need to get a life and shut the heck up.
Still, we hope this is as far as Simpson goes. She's made her point. She needs to be done with it now.
Because Simpson isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer (see video below... now!) and we could almost see her taking this another step.
So before you take a snapshot of your child's bare butt to keep shoving it down the critics' throats, Jessica, put the camera down.
Relax. Take pride in your victory and prepare better for your next interview on Ellen.