Piers Morgan is one of the great jackasses in the history of civilization, and the world has collectively regretted granting him a modicum of fame for at least the past five years.
But even by the standards of an angry potato who’s best known for lip-locking with Donald Trump’s anus like it’s Ryan Gosling in that rain scene from The Notebook, Piers had a truly horrendous weekend in terms of PR.
First, the UK’s answer to Alex Jones got roasted to a crisp when he foolishly attempted to sit at the big kids’ table on Bill Maher, and comedian Jim Jefferies told him to “f-ck off” to the delight of every single person on Earth.
Then, Piers made the mistake that he’ll likely play over and over in his mind later tonight as he’s being waterboarded at a CIA black site that’s been commandeered by the most radical fringe group the western world has ever known.
We’re talking of course … about the Beyhive.
As you may have heard, Beyonce performed at the Grammys last night, and the cries of “slay, queen!” could be heard across the land.
The Hive tends to go too far in their praise for the Queen Bey, and last night’s sparkly fertility ceremony was no exception.
“Didn’t really ‘feel’ that Beyonce performance. Seemed heavier on the narcissism than the music,” Morgan tweeted.
Because he requires hate from Internet strangers to live the same way humans need oxygen, he went on:
“Awful acceptance speech too. Looked bored as hell reading it. Come on Beyonce, you’re better than this.”
“Twitter lemmings now exploding with fury that I expressed an opinion about Beyonce’s performance they all secretly agree with.”
The thing is, Piers isn’t completely wrong here, which is unusual for Piers.
The Beyhive is aptly named, as Mrs. Carter’s super-fans have a way of blindly swarming anyone who dares to suggest that Bey is anything less than an actual goddess walking among mere mortals.
The singer’s performance last night was experimental and avant garde, and it’s perfectly acceptable to say it didn’t float your particular boat.
(Or at least it should be …)
But Morgan’s career stopped being about expressing opinions long ago.
Ever since he donned the red cap of the deplorable, Piers has been all about grabbing headlines through blatant trolling, and somehow, social media hasn’t caught on yet.
It’s not easy, because the man will come to your house and scream in your face if it comes to that, but it’s important to remember that Piers doesn’t have the nuke codes.
We can safely ignore him, and there’s a limit to how much damage he can do.
His tiny-fisted sugar daddy, on the other hand …