Look, Madonna is a remarkably embarrassing human being, she just is.
She's also a legend, sure, but that doesn't give her a pass.
A lot of people think this is some age discrimination, like "what, Madonna is 58 years old so she can't be sexy and have fun anymore?"
And that's absolutely not the case.
No, if any person, no matter if they were 1 or 100 or any age in between, behaved the way Madonna behaves, it would be an honest-to-goodness shame, it really would.
It's just that she's so very, very desperate for attention. Like she can't handle the fact that perhaps her popularity isn't what it used to be, and she has to do stunt after stunt to just get a little bit more of the spotlight.
Come on, why else would she rock as many grills as she does?
And why else would she act like as hot a mess as she did last night?
Yep, buckle up, friends, because we've got a wild and wacky Madonna story to share with you right the hell now.
See, last night, Madonna hosted a charity gala for Malawi, the African nation where her 11-year-old son, David, was born.
She managed to raise over $7.5 million, which is amazing, it really is.
But boy, did she pull some ridiculous sh-t along the way.
Because Madonna's ex-husband, Sean Penn, was there too, right?
The two got married in 1985, but they stayed together for just four years before they got divorced.
There have been persistent rumors for years that he was majorly abusive to her, but she's denied those rumors, and she's even made it clear that she still has strong feelings for him.
Back in January, they did another charity gala together, and Madonna gave a speech all about how amazing she thinks Sean is.
During the speech, she got all gushy, telling him "I want to say that, Sean, I love you. From the moment that I laid eyes on you. And I still love you, just the same."
And, well, last night she took things a step further.
"I'm still in love with you," she told Sean.
And then, just when you thought things couldn't get any more romantic and/or creepy, she said that she would marry him again, right then and there -- if he bid $150,000 on a piece of jewelry.
And he did.
We're not sure about whether or not they've gotten hitched yet, but someone did have the presence of mind to play a wedding march.
Sean hopped on stage, crawled between Madonna's legs, and then handcuffed her.
Why? We may never know.
But, hilariously enough, Madonna did joke while Sean was handcuffing her that "For once, he's not the one being arrested."
Oh, Madonna, you're in love with a criminal! How sweet!
Best of wishes to this former, maybe present couple, we guess.