Farrah Abraham vs. Amber Portwood: An In-Depth Analysis of the Fight of the Year!

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As you've likely heard by now, Farrah Abraham fought Amber Portwood during Monday night's Teen Mom reunion show, in what will likely be remembered as one of the great throwdowns in the history of reality television.

We've seen scuffles on the show before (Farrah vs. random producer springs immediately to mind), but nothing on par with what we saw on Monday night.

Farrah Abraham Pre-Fight

It all started when Farrah doubled-down on Simon Saran's claims that Amber's boyfriend, Matt Baier, is a pedophile.

Not surprisingly, Amber didn't take this well, and ran back out on stage to have a word with Farrah.

That's when things got ugly. 

"Just because somebody's 20 years older than you doesn't mean he's a f--king pedophile," Amber shouted.

Farrah vs. Amber

Various crew members assembled to try and prevent the scuffle from getting physical, but by that point, even they probably knew it was too late.

Farrah and Amber squared off, with Farrah seemingly have no real expectation that Amber would initiate an actual fight.

After all, usually it's Farrah who's the batsh-t one in any given situation.

To her surprise, however, Amber really did take a swing ...

Farrah and Amber Square Off

Unfortunately, she has about as much accuracy as Orlando Bloom going after Justin Bieber.

We're not saying we wanted to see Farrah get seriously hurt or anything, but seeing her get one stinging, well-received smack across the face would've been pretty satisfying.

At least she gave us one of the all-time great reaction faces:

Farrah Abraham Reacts

Anyway, things quickly went from real to really real.

Matt rushed out and wound up going toe-to-toe with Farrah's dad, Michael Abraham.

We've known for quite some time that Baier is a douche, but the way he made the situation infinitely worse by knocking a retiree to the ground made us think we'd underestimated his douchiness.

Matt Baier in a Headlock

Michael says Baier essentially crippled him, leaving him bedridden due to a knee injury.

You can bet that Baier has a lawsuit coming his way.

Fortunately, he's been sued for paternity multiple times in the past year, so he probably knows a good lawyer.

There's so much terribleness in this three-minute span that it's hard to pinpoint a real villain ...

Simon Saran Laughs

Rather it would be, were it not for the presence of Simon Saran, who instigated the situation, then stood around and laughed while sh-t hit the fan and his girlfriend nearly got smacked.

In the end, we lost a lot of respect for people we had very little respect for in the first place, but no one came off looking worse than Simon.

He and Farrah deserve each other, but we still hope she kicks him to the curb ASAP.

Farrah Abraham: Boy, Bye!

And this has been your round-by-round analysis of the bout that made Holm vs. Rousey look like amateur hour.

Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but we got to see some genuine terror momentarily flash across Farrah's face, and that is something for which we'll forever be grateful.

Watch Teen Mom online for more deplorable behavior from people who shouldn't be anywhere near children.

(Except you, Amber. You aight.)

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Farrah Abraham Biography

Farrah
Farrah Abraham is the star of Teen Mom and the mother of Sophia Laurent Abraham. Sophia's father (Derek Underwood) was killed in a car... More »
Full Name
Farrah Abraham

Farrah Abraham Quotes

[On her DUI arrest] I did not endanger anyone's life.

Jenelle [Evans] has all the potential to turn her negatives into a positive like I have.