The Donald. Deplorable Don. Donnie Darko. Chester Cheater. Littlefinger. Steaming Trump.
Whatever you call him - Donald Trump is a man you do not want to leave around your wife, girlfriend, daughter, de-clawed cat, or hole that someone put in your drywall with the end of a pool cue.
The problem is that Donald Trump thinks he's to irresistible women. Donald Trump is very, very wrong about this.
Throughout this election (which, by our count, has been going on for roughly 17 years now), we've heard numerous accounts of Trump's objectification and harassment of women over the course of the past five decades.
It all started when video of Trump boasting about acts of sexual assault was released by the Washington Post.
Shortly thereafter, several women came forward to accuse Trump of groping, fondling, and forcing himself upon them.
The total number of accusers is now up to eleven.
Eleven women who have told stories that took place between 1979 and 2015 and in every kind of locale and situation, but that share one nauseating thing in common:
In each case, Donald Trump allegedly used his power to intimidate unwilling women into performing sex acts.
The latest account of Trump's sexual impropriety wasn't shared by his victim but by the Republican presidential candidate himself:
It concerns the actress Kelly Preston, whom you may know as the wife of screen icon John Travolta.
In January of 2009, Travolta and Preston's son died at the age of 16 after suffering an epileptic seizure.
Just days later, Trump addressed the tragedy as only he could on the website for the now-defunct Trump University:
“A long time ago, before I was married, I met Kelly Preston at a club and worked like hell to try and pick her up.
“She was beautiful, personable, and definitely had allure. At the time I had no idea she was married to John Travolta.
“In any event, my track record on this subject has always been outstanding, but Kelly wouldn’t give me the time of day. She was very nice, very elegant, but I didn’t have a chance with her, and that was that.
He concluded the blog post with a brief statement of condolences to the Travoltas for the loss of their son.
Yes, Donald Trump, who would've been 62 years old at the time, thought it was appropriate to offer his condolences to a grieving mother by first telling the story of his unsuccessful attempts to have sex with her.
Are we shocked? Not at all.
And that's exactly why the Trump campaign is a joke that stopped being funny months ago.