Donald Trump: I Wish I Could Bang Lindsay Lohan!

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Warning: the following story will make you very sad and scared for the future of the human race.

So ... how about that Donald Trump?

Donald Trump Says Crazy Stuff

As of now, five different women have claimed that Donald Trump sexually assaulted them. Each of the women shared similar stories about how he kissed and groped them against their will, simply because he's famous and he could.

That last bit, by the way, that's not part of the women's stories or, you know, true or anything.

It's just that Trump has made it clear that he thinks that, because he's famous, he's free to do whatever he wants to whoever he wants.

And if those people are already struggling emotionally, without him grabbing them "by the pussy"?

Well, according to Trump, that makes it even better.

Some disturbing quotes that the Donald made in a 2004 interview with Howard Stern have been making the rounds today, and this time, the object of his creepy affections is Lindsay Lohan.

Hasn't that poor girl been through enough?

Lindsay Lohan Tries to Be Sexy

Trump decided to go at Lindsay from the outside in, saying that while she was hot, she did have an awful lot of freckles.

"You have to like freckles," he said. "I've seen a, you know, close-up of her chest and a lot of freckles. Are you into freckles? I'm not into freckles, but the red hair thing I like."

And if that wasn't disgusting enough, he then ... here, just read it.

"She's probably deeply troubled," he theorized, "and therefore great in bed. How come the deeply troubled women -- you know, deeply, deeply troubled -- they're always the best in bed?"

Donald Trump on the Campaign Trail

About those "deeply troubled women," Trump also noted that "You don't want to be with them for long term, but for the short term, there's nothing like it."

Oh, and by the way, Lindsay had just turned 18 when this interview took place. Trump was 58.

It's all just so unbelievably horrible, isn't it?

You'd think, or at least you'd hope, that people would look at Lindsay Lohan and feel sorry for her for all she's been through.

Depressed Lindsay

Especially in 2004: back then, Lindsay hadn't been to rehab yet, she hadn't gotten a single DUI. The only thing that would have qualified her as "deeply troubled" at that point would have been her sketchy parents.

So Donald Trump is the kind of man who sees an 18-year-old girl with a troubled home life and immediately starts thinking that she must be good in bed.

But sure, he's a great guy. Let's make him president.

What is HAPPENING to this world?

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