Ah, Jon Gosselin. How the might, Ed Hardy-clad have fallen.
The former reality star gave an interview to Yahoo! this week about the state of his family affairs, and it ain't good.
Jon claims he hasn't seen 12-year-old son, Collin in a year-and-a-half, something he blames on Kate, who filed for divorce seven years ago yesterday.
"I can't do anything," he complained.
"It's unfair of her to do that, considering she claims that she does her best for all my kids. Dah, dah, dah, drama. ‘I'm perfect.'
"No one's perfect, honey. Trust me."
Since he's not legally bound by TLC to keep his mouth shut about the broken relationship with his family, Jon is ready to drop some truth bombs.
"Now all the secrets are coming out because I'm not afraid to say anything," he said.
When people asked him, "how come you only get four kids [at a time]?" Jon claims he gets "whoever comes through that gate or gets off that [school] bus is who I get.
"And Collin is home-schooled, so he doesn't get off a bus."
Ah, now we understand the year-and-a-half time-out between father and son. This guy's the poor man's Tom Cruise.
"If the kids want to come, they come," he continued.
"I love them all, but I am going to focus on the ones that want to come. My hands are tied."
As for fighting for a better custody arrangement, Jon has something to say to the critics.
"People are always like, ‘Oh, I would fight so hard [for a better custody arrangement].'
"I'm like, ‘Honey, you don't have the money to fight that hard. Do you know how expensive court is? You have no idea.'"
Jon explained that he files all the paperwork himself, then submits to a law firm to make sure everything is filled out correct.
"I have to pay for that," he said
"And pay all the court fees in the hopes that you'll get something out of it. I've been going to court for seven years now.
"Unless you can arbitrate out of it and have a working relationship with the other parent, you're going to spend a lot of money."
When Kate Plus 8 is filming, no one updates Jon on his family's whereabouts.
"She pulls custody BS, like, ‘Oh, you don't have custody this week. We're filming,'" he said.
"But she won't tell me where they're filming."
In times like these, Jon, you must ask yourself what your old friend, Michael Lohan would do.