Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 12 Episode 1 Recap: Back 2 Blac!

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Oh it's ON now. 

The first family of reality TV returned with Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 12 Episode 1 Sunday, and the drama was off the chain ...

You don't have to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians online to know some of the big storylines that are coming our way this season.

Still, it's a wild, crazy behind-the-scenes time warp of sorts as we get to experience some details, twists and turns we haven't seen.

One of many cases in point: Lamar Odom and his recovery from almost dying of a massive drug overdose in a Nevada brothel last fall.

"I want him to feel like he has a home for his journey of, like, constantly getting better," Khloe Kardashian explained to the E! cameras.

"I want him to feel good about the place he's staying in."

Still, Khloe hinted at the bad blood that remains.

"I love Lamar, and we've been through so much. But there's so much more that has to be resolved. There's a lot of hurt," she confessed.

Speaking of drug-addled messes, Scott Disick recently moved into a new house to be closer to his kids, but was up to his old tricks.

Dude pulled a no-show for a family dinner.

"Scott and Tyga have been hanging out at his house all day and night," Kourtney Kardashian explained. "He just needs to grow up."

"I'm saying not for me. For my kids."

Kourtney was pretty peeved at Kylie Jenner's boyfriend as well, saying, "I don't want Tyga to be, like, a negative influence on Scott."

"It pisses me off that people like Tyga, who should know better, that are close to our family, that don't just, like, find some other friends."

Will the couple ever get back together?

The Lord's take on the situation: "At the end of the day, I still love Kourtney and that's what's important to me. And it always will be."

Kourtney's take on the situation with her baby daddy: "When it comes to Scott, I'm just not looking to get back together anytime soon."

Well, there you have that.

Perhaps the most anticipated moments of the Season 12 premiere came from the resident Keeping Up recluse, Rob Kardashian himself.

Rob, of course, is engaged to Blac Chyna, a.k.a. Tyga's baby mama and professional $h!t-stirrer. This has not gone over all that well.

"I walked in on him with Blac Chyna at my house," Khloe said to Scott. "There was alcohol everywhere. He's having the time of his life."

"I don't need this s--t," Khloe said of her oft-troubled younger brother. "Don't you dare make me feel uncomfortable in my own home."

Not a fan of Blac in other words.

Rob's reaction to the haters? "Listen to the hostility in your voice, that's exactly why I don't say anything," he tells Kim, Khloe and Kourtney.

"This is the first time I've ever proposed to someone in my life," he continues, punctuating his point: "Don't come at me with some bullsh!t."

Dammmmn! You girls got took.

Surprisingly open to the idea of Rob and Blac's relationship? Kris Jenner, who even offered to buy him a house next door to the stripper.

Seriously, she actually said this.

Kim Kardashian wasn't thrilled about that idea, saying, "You should not be paying for your son that is almost 30 years old to buy a house."

Kris then ROASTED Kim, hard.

"All of you can f--k off and go think of something else to talk about," she fumed at her daughter, before the ultimate mic-dropper:

"I've seen you guys through so much s--t that you do that I have to f--king put up with. 'I'm married for 72 days.' Really? That was normal." 

Oh yeah, she went there ...

Kim eventually came around, saying of her mother, "We know she's coming from a good place and it is her son, so let's just back off."

Game, set and match, Kris.

Kim had more important things to do anyway, such as gush over the fact that her vagina looks "gorgeous and perfect" during this episode.

Good times all around.

As for Kendall Jenner, she was more upset about the fact that he re-gifted his birthday iPad from her and posted about it on the Internet.

[Rob] fully re-gifted my gift. On top of it, it's so annoying to find out through social media because his girlfriend posted it," Kendall said.

She told her brother: "One: I'm annoyed. Two: I'm actually hurt that you re-gifted my f--king gift that I went out of the way to give you."

Rob's amazing response? "That's the first time you've gotten me a gift your entire life. You're hilarious. Buy it yourself, moron." Damn.

Meanwhile, Khloe ran her mouth about Caitlyn Jenner to Howard Stern, which led to "insane aggressive texts" with the new trans icon.

"You slaughtered my mother and you have the nerve to say, 'What happened to families sticking together?'" Khloe vented to Kris.

Allegedly, Caitlyn told Khloe to "get a life" and "shut up," prompting Khloe to tell Kris, "I don't have a relationship with her. I'm done."

Breaking down in tears, Kris tearfully told Cait on the phone, telling her former spouse that she had this coming after Vanity Fair.

"You say something nice or don't say anything at all. All you said was negative s--t, so now you know how I feel!" Kris lamented.

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