True Tori Season 2 Episode 5 Quotes: Prepare to Cringe Like Never Before!

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Just when you think it can't possibly get any more obviously scripted, cringe-inducing or downright bizarre, True Tori manages to outdo itself on Lifetime.

It's almost impressive. Almost.

On True Tori Season 2 Episode 5, we saw Tori Spelling and Mary Jo Eustace reading cue cards and literally swap notes about their cheating husband.

Dean, meanwhile, went through a "release" of sorts after some alarming realizations about himself that the rest of us have known for about a year now.

Does anyone believe Mary Jo and Tori didn't script all this for the purposes of humiliating Dean and exploiting his cheating ways to drive up ailing ratings?

Or that they would actually see a LOVE GURU to work on their relationship? And have you ever seen a more ridiculous stunt than what the guru had Dean do?

No, no and no. But if you watch True Tori online, this is the kind of precedent-setting, expectation-defying TV that plays out week after week, people.

What began as an exploration into their efforts to save their union after he boned Emily Goodhand has devolved into ... we don't even know what.

Dean quitting the show, or so he claims he's doing, and his alleged suicidal thoughts are starting to make more sense after enough episodes pass.

Sure he's a depressed, alcoholic, gold-digging, narcissistic loser who cheated on both of his wives and is sort of an embarrassment to his five (!) kids.

But does even he deserve this?

He's a pawn in the Tori Spelling reality TV machine, and despite that moaning, childbirth-like ritual was at the guru's office, there's no end in sight.

Can these two people possibly salvage their marriage? Do either of them actually want that? How much lower can they possibly go at this stage?

Only time will distrubingly tell.

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True Tori Quotes

"What's keeping you in this marriage?" - True Tori producer to Tori, who cried and said that when there are children involved, you look at it differently (on reality television if at all possible)

"I was feeling really bad about my potato-making skills." - Tori, after Dean felt that she had microwaved a potato incorrectly, sending her plunging into an existential crisis and a state of instant self-loathing