So as you may have heard, George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin got married over the weekend in a star-studded ceremony in Venice.
Naturally, most of the press coverage has focused on how "lucky" Amal is to have landed one of Hollywood's hottest bachelors.
Makes sense, but there's been a disturbing lack of discussion about Amal herself. After all, this is a brilliant, beautiful, highly successful civil rights attorney who could've had her pick of any dude in London (if she wanted a dude at all).
What made her choose to settle down with an aging commitment-phobe and notorious playboy?
Well, if you believe article about Amal in the latest People magazine, the previous 36 years of her life were just practice, and getting engaged to Clooney is, like, totally the bestest thing that ever happened to her:
"She was looking for Mr. Perfect, and he was nowhere to be found," says Amal's friend, Jae Kim.
Kim says that when Amal first began seeing Clooney, she felt anxious because Clooney "isn't exactly Mr. Commitment."
All Jae's fears subsided, however, when she realized that Clooney got Amal to quit smoking. As a bonus, "ever since she has been with George, she has been on time!"
What the actual f--k?! Aside from Ms. Kim's weird tendency confuse personality traits with their last names, the most disturbing thing about this piece is the way Amal is portrayed as basically an ethnic, ditzier version of Reese Witherspoon's character in Legally Blonde.
Yes, in 2014, People runs a gleeful, heavily-exclamation-pointed article about how much the gorgeous, successful 36-year-old lawyer had to change in order to please her new 53-year-old career womanizer boyfriend.
And apparently we're supposed to walk away like, "Clooney, what a guy!"
Look, Taylor Swift described herself as a "true feminist" in a recent interview, and Beyonce performed in front of giant letters spelling out the f-word at the MTV VMAs.
So hopefully now that women's rights have re-entered the national conversation, someone with a million teenage Instagram followers will speak out against hot garbage like this profile of Amal.
Give the Cloon some credit, people. He lived in Hollywood for a long time. If he just wanted a docile doormat who'd do anything to marry an A-lister, he would've settled down decades ago.