The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Riding the Crazy Train

by at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New Jersey found Melissa Gorga unknowingly "Drinking With the Enemy". We recap the liars, cheaters, and so-called friends in our THG +/- review

It all starts out innocent enough. Kathy's cooking in her test kitchen and Rosie's recounting how she had to pull her cartilage back into place after her meeting with Teresa.

Minus 10. Did we really need to hear about that?

Crazy Train to Jersey

Then Rosie shares Teresa's idea of a retreat between the Guidices and Gorgas and invites the others along.  

Unsurprisingly there were not a lot of takers. Caroline rolls her eyes and Jacqueline proclaims she won't join them in the gates of Hell. Plus 23. I really couldn't blame her.  

But even Jacqueline seemed to have bought a ticket on the crazy train. The way she tore that cell phone out of Kathy's hand and wouldn't give it back was surreal. Minus 12. Then she's screaming over the speaker phone in the middle of a store and wouldn't stop.

As Kathy pointed out, there were "all kinds of crazy on both ends" of that call.  Perhaps Teresa and Jacqueline really should just avoid one another in the future. but what fun would that be?

I was wondering why Melissa's so called friends were giving her such strange looks when she told them about her book deal. minus 22.

Don't get me wrong. I think writing a book titled "Love Italian Style: Secrets to My Hot and Happy Marriage" is arrogant if nothing else but these are suppose to be her closest friends. Shouldn't they have at least faked being reasonably happy for her?

Apparently Melissa's friends weren't all that friendly. Jan, her former bridesmaid was happy to share with Kim D and Teresa that Melissa was supposedly cheating on her hubby.

Minus 18. Melissa and Teresa have some of the sleaziest friends. Put Jan, Kim D., and that scary looking realtor together that's one creepy looking circle of friends. Or maybe it's just way too much Botox all in one place.

I was kind of surprised that Melissa confronted Kim D but I guess she had her own posse surrounding her at the time. Plus 11.

Scarier was the way Jacqueline reacted. She couldn't keep her mouth shut. Minus 9. The slide into crazy town continued.

However Melissa ended up with some of the best lines of the night, including telling Kim D:

"This year I'm a cheater. Last year I'm a stripper. Next year I'm gonna murder all your kids."

and my favorite:

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, go jump off the GWB." (That's the George Washington Bridge for those not in the know.)

Plus 25. I'm certainly not wishing bodily harm on anyone but if I never had to lay eyes on Kim D again it would still be too soon.

On the flip side we got to watch the Gorgas and the Wakiles attempt a sexy strip tease. Minus 15 because doing it with the other couple watching was just plain weird…and Rich really did look like someone shot him in the leg.

Caroline appeared to be far away from all the fun. The problem was that even Albert was questioning her motives for staying in Hoboken. Minus 13. It's hard to convince anyone she's not doing it to be closer to her kids.

And on a side note…why did the Guidices need to make 800 lbs of sausage. Doesn't that seem a little excessive?

But it looks like the whole gang will be heading to a castle in the mountains next week.
Is it a retreat, an intervention, or a ticking time bomb? Tune back in to find out.

Episode total = -40!                    Season total = -237!

Tags: , , , , ,