The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Keeping It Classy

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"It's My Party and I'll Fight if I Want To" shows that no The Real Housewives of New Jersey birthday party is complete without drama, even if the party is for a 12 year old.

We try and make sense of the lies and catty comments in our THG +/- review.

Gia & Teresa

Gia Giudice is turning 12. At 12 I think I had 10 kids at my party. Gia's parents rented a club for 100 people. Does anyone else get the feeling the girl is already smarter than both of her parents? 

Hopefully she doesn't inherit her mother's fashion sense. Purple zebra spandex. Minus 8. Even at the gym that should be unacceptable.

With her birthday looming Joe Giudice takes his little girl out for daddy / daughter time. When he started lecturing the pre-teen on spending more time with her family I groaned. Minus 10.

It's really no surprise she'd rather spend more time with her friends than her bratty little sisters, especially when Milania's telling her she's got "a hairy grill." Minus 15. Awkward!

There's a daddy / daughter moment they won't soon forget.

Of course Teresa doesn't want Gia to talk to boys and plans to take her to the doctor in her teen years to check if she's still a virgin! Joe's advice to his daughter is "don't give boys anything they want" and never kiss them.  I can't even imagine how warped the kid's perception of sex is going to be as she grows up.

But Teresa's got other issues. Her Dad is back in the hospital and it's got the family in turmoil.

Apparently Joe Gorga can't go visit his dad because he's ill himself. Minus 33. Do we really have to hear about every bowel movement Joe is having? Charming as ever Joe tells his wife and kids, "I had some soup and it came right out of my ass."  Talk about over sharing.

Melissa Gorga's off at the gym making fun of Kathy who can't get through her workout routine. Minus 11. Always nice to look down your nose at your out of shape friends.

Melissa says she's taking Antonia to the hospital to visit her father-in-law. Then she tells Kathy that she has a sore throat and can't go…but she looked plenty healthy at the gym.  Later she swears to Teresa that she went.

Well, which is it? Did she go or didn't she? Honestly, I'm confused. Minus 18.

Teresa jumps all over Melissa at Gia's party. Can't these two women just stay away from one another? There were over 100 people there.  Let the kids play and go to your separate corners already.

Of course Teresa's got her minions with her…Linda and Kim D.

Can we have Kim D's plastic surgeon put on a New Jersey's Worst Doctors list as a public service? The woman is beginning to resemble the walking dead.

Neither Kim D or Linda would give Melissa the time of day if the cameras weren't rolling. They'll tear into anyone for their 15 minutes of fame, as witnessed when Jacqueline and Kathy were spotted at the gym…

Linda - "Jacqueline's fat ass hasn't seen the inside of a gym in 8 months."

Kim D - "What about Kathy's fat ass?"

We can always count on you to keep it classy ladies. Minus 25.

Kathy's got more to worry about than her weight. First off, what was that outfit she was wearing in her driveway?  The hat, the vest, the boots.  It was just plain bad. Minus 8.

Then she's got Rosie and Richie and Joey all laughing at her in her own home…and not for her wardrobe.

Rosie wants to be the fun aunt. Easy to do when she uses someone else's Ferrari without their permission. Minus 15.

I'll admit, the evil part of me wished they would have banged up a fender or something.  I'll bet Rich wouldn't be smiling and laughing then.

Did anyone else laugh along with Jacqueline when Caroline told her Teresa expected an apology. Plus 37 to Jacqueline. She's got more than enough on her plate. She certainly doesn't need anybody else's family drama.

And has the Manzo mansion been turned into a petting zoo? Dogs, pigs, snakes in the basement. No wonder Albert is never home.

Maybe Caroline needs to deal with her own crazy family and leave the Gorgas and the Giudices alone.

Who am I kidding? Like that's going to happen….


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