America's Got Talent Recap: Lightly Sweetened Contestants

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Following an Olympic hiatus and controversy from Sharon Osbourne, America's Got Talent returned last night and gave the viewers what they were after: competition.

Read on for a rundown of each contestant...

Judges on America's Got Talent

Clint Carvalho & His Extreme Parrots - I was nervous that we'd have to listen to a talking Parrot, but getting a diving bird sounded amazing. After a really long explanation and asking an obvious question of "Is it raining?" we watched a bird fly from a building to the stage while listening to a guy saying "Here kitty kitty kitty" a billion times. I would rather see a hawk trying to eat a field mouse on Animal Planet.
Grade: D

Reverse Order - Reverse Order sounded like a "we're sorry" to New Jersey after calling the performances "New York" so much. They sounded similar to The All Ways with the same exact plan of attack: rock out to a pop song originally performed by a woman. It was okay, but if The All Ways didn't make it through, I don't see what makes Reverse Order special. The lead singer couldn't even hit his falsettos. Why did they pick Katy Perry if the lead can't falsetto?
Grade: C-

Rudy Coby - Rudy has interesting hair and magic tricks based off of “nightmares.” He was Marilyn Manson's roommate; the oddest accomplishment to announce to America. He started off with a mini puppet and shoved him into a cage. The act played unnecessary dated music as we watched Rudy as a clown kill himself. It didn't make any sense.
Grade: D-

7 in Unison - The California dance troupe claimed that their act was going to be jazz. The group attempted a bit more of a burlesque routine where I was uncomfortable. These teenagers were too old for their age. If they were age appropriate, I wouldn't have problems (see: Lindsey Norton or Unity in Motion). I hated the hair choreography especially when they used their ponytail to pull themselves up.
Grade: D+

Drew Erwin - The highest vote-getter from YouTube had the story of his broken hand and turning to music. He decided to sing the Natalie Imbruglia’s "Torn" and had trouble hitting the low notes. Sadly, for Drew there is no "W" in torn. His pronunciation of "torn" and "on" mysteriously gained W's.
Grade: C-

Melinda Hill - We've had two comedians succeed so Melinda had a big challenge. Her routine started off with some cutesy girl-related jokes, but the latter jokes were not well received. Right at the end of her routine a big "boo" came from the audience. She lost it and her indifferent responses to Nick sealed her fate.
Grade: D+

Eric Buss - The "performer" had a confusing explanation for his novelty. He started off with hand gag snakes and he lost me. Then he kept going. It was the dumbest thing I've seen. From the cliché song to the occasionally missed firings, it didn't work. The routine was anticlimactic.
Grade: F

Romeo Dance Cheetah - If Romeo wasn't crazy, he'd be good looking. I've seen a full air band on Britain's Got Talent (Air-O-Smith), but they weren't as interesting as Romeo. He had good tongue work and charisma, but his backflip was awful and the whole performance depended on props and explosions and not his own "talent."
Grade: C-

The Magic of Puck - Puck has been doing magic for 40 years and is a cruise ship performer. He decided to try being intimate, but I don't think it works with such a large stage. He started with a really basic handkerchief trick that you could buy on any magic websites; it then didn’t go anywhere. It's a dancing hanky. It was not Vegas or million-dollar worthy at all.
Grade: C+

Bria Kelly - She had supportive teachers, but everyone deserves supportive teachers. It was smart to have a band accompany her. I disagree with her parents, her voice doesn’t sound original; I was getting Natalie Maines from Dixie Chicks. She was being drowned out by her backing band forcing her to scream and hearing a 16-year-old singing about shotguns was odd. In a night of horrible acts, she was mediocre.
Grade: B-

Cast in Bronze - Cast in Bronze plays the Carillon, basically church bells. If you've ever heard your local church playing music at noon, it was this. Then he proceeded to play "Carol of the Bells" which I associate with Christmas. His playing skills sounded like a sub-par piano player. If he invented the Carillon, he would be right next to William Close, but it's nowhere as creative.
Grade: D

Academy of Villains - Academy of Villains is fortunate enough to have a large enough group to fill for their first half of the act. Their act started with cute arm motions but took too long to get into dance. When it got to the second half, the routine was clean, but busy. The tricks were nice, albeit nothing original: the basket-toss was stolen from cheerleading and there were generic breaking flips.
Grade: B+