If you thought last week's display of Snooki's kooka would turn the men of Jersey Shore away forever, you thought wrong. Apparently it did the opposite.
Seriously, what is it about this girl? After her antics caused a rift with Jionni (at least temporarily), TWO of the roommates immediately make their move?
Baffling. As is the concept of Deena raising a child. When she missed her period, let's just say all of humanity was hoping for a false alarm. Did we get it?
As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we analyze Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- recap style!
Snooki dances away the pain alone at the bar. Fortunately, no straight vagine. Plus 7.
Forced to pretend she has a job, Deena cleans the bathrooms at work. Pretty gross, we have to say. The bathrooms look respectable, however. Plus 4.
JWoww apologizes to Snooki for blowing her off, but soon enough, warns Snooki to not act like Sammi over Jionni. Sage advice from our girl J. Plus 5.
Plus 12 for Sam telling JWoww that she'd prefer to be mocked as "the old Sam" because Sam 2.0 is so much better at relationships. Self-deprecating!
Ronnie and Sammi actually do seem stable lately. Relatively. Plus 5.Jionni CRUSHES Snooki's "not being herself" excuse: "What do you mean you're not being yourself? You get drunk seven days a week, hook up with girls, and you flash your underwear, I thought that was who you are?" Plus 35.
Jionni is upset because he "flew all the way across the country" to see Snooki and for what. Minus 9 for apparently failing seventh grade geography.
Pauly D and Vinny prank Deena by putting the couch and other items on her bed. Plus 4. Deena gets trapped under the couch, obviously. Plus 3 more.
Deena takes a pregnancy test. Please God no. Minus 25.
She really hopes she's not knocked up because, well, it would be an embarrassment to her family. This entire season should have that covered, D. Plus 9.
And Minus 17 for drowning your possible unborn child with cigarettes and hard alcohol. As if Deena Jr. wouldn't have enough time after his/her birth.
When it's not clear who the dad would be? Also a bad sign. Minus 5, but we pretty much knew Team Meatball wasn't expanding yet, so ... thank goodness.
DJ Pauly D transforms the house into a Jersey club. Eat your heart out, Karma ... which we'll see plenty of this winter in Season 5. Yeeeeah BUDDY. Plus 7.
Seriously, how much fun is this guy to be around, even just on TV? He brings the least drama, but Pauly's the most indispensable cast member. Plus 13.
The Situation pretty much flat out confesses his undying love for Snooki. Seriously?! Does he just want her because he knows he can't have her, or is he for real? Minus 8, because you never can tell with this guy's skeevy ways.
Minus 5 more for wearing his sunglasses halfway down his nose AGAIN.
The Situation argues with the gang over whether or not he's causing drama. When your nickname is the Snitch-uation, that tells you something. Minus 9.
Alas, for Sitch, Snooki finds comfort in Vinny's bed. The end of the episode took us back to Miami with Snooki and Vinny cuddling, then smushing. History repeated itself in Firenze, it turned out. Seabiscuit rides again. Minus 10.
These guys do realize they're pining for effing Snooki, right? They bring home other girls all the time, so it's not like they're on a desert island here. Minus 5.
Jionni apparently got over this eventually. Unless he didn't know about it until seeing this episode. Unlikely as it is, here's hoping for that scenario! Plus 6.
This is more of a general observation in response to the "WHY IS THIS SHOW ON THE AIR?!?!" comments we get every week. This show is on the air, and gaining ratings no less, because it's frickin' hilarious, and because for all the stars' flaws, there is a certain authenticity and realness in the way they interact. That's all, and Plus 25.
EPISODE TOTAL: +42. SEASON TOTAL: +178.
Snooki: Would you smush it?