Jersey Shore Recap: Snooki Flaunts Kooka, Jionni Bails

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Effing Snooki.

Last night was all about the pint-sized princess, but surprisingly, the car crash that ended last week's episode paled in comparison to what followed.

Jionni came to visit, and even if the producers weren't hinting at this all season, it seemed inevitable that her conduct would mortify him. And it did.

Don't ask us how it would come as a surprise to Jionni, given that he's dating SNOOKI FROM JERSEY SHORE. It's the nature of the beast, dude.


As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we recap Thursday's gripping installment, THG +/- style!

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Snooki and Deena avoided jail time for the police car mashup and the gang was allowed to stay in Florence. Fist-pump. Plus 3.

Snooki is no longer allowed to drive. Double fist-pump. Plus 4.

JWoww finds out that her boyfriend can't come out to visit. Minus 5, because we like Roger, and we felt bad for Jenni, tears welling on her fake eyelashes.

Snooki decides to use one of the twins to prank Sitch. This is at least the second time the twins have been used as sexual practical joke fodder. Plus 4.

The goal? To bust Mike bringing another girl home. Which happened as predicted ... but somehow only helped him get it in. Call it a Wash all around!

The twins' parents must be so saddened by this. Minus 2.

Jionni is comin' to town, which excites Snooki, who regales us with how bad she wants his guido babies. Via c-section, of course, so as not to "f--k up my vagina." Minus 12 for the visual, and because that thing is already beyond f--ked.

Snooki smushed Jionni. Mike kept looking like - a talking about how - he wanted to smash Jionni's face. With a fist. His jealousy over Snooki returns! Plus 5.

Minus 4 for Mike's sunglasses always resting halfway down his nose.

Snooki getting ready to go out? Some not un-hilarious imagery. Plus 5.

Jionni has overly-bronzed junk, we're told. Minus 5 for that imagery.

We have to say, for a time, Jionni and Snooki were sort of adorable and cute, as much as those two words could possibly be applied to Nicole Polizzi. Plus 6.

But then the booze kicked in and the house music beat started pumping. Just pulsating, echoing through Snooki's half-naked body. We all knew there would be a (PDK) public display of kooka, it was just a matter of when. Minus 15.

Jionni peaced out after this sick display. Hard to blame him. Plus 4. At least Ronnie tried to calm him down. A regular Dr. Phil, this guy. Plus 3.

Despite the hurtful things Snooki said, and the fact that they just had a blowout argument, JWoww combed the city to find Jionni. Plus 21, because that's what best friends are for. Jenni's sweetly loyal to her girl, come what may.

She went barefoot, Snook. Barefoot. Best friend ever. Plus 4.

Snooki cried. And cried. And cried. So annoying. Minus 9.

Jionni eventually returned to the house, grabbed his things, told Snooki they were no longer an item and peaced out! Plus 7 for the bold exit, but Minus 9 for the high horse he left on and because we all know they're still together now.

Think Vinny gets it in during this brief breakup? Likely. Plus 3.

After listening to Snooki and Jionni's argument, Sammi apologizes to the house for always fighting with Ronnie in front of them. Long overdue, but Plus 8.


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