Tuesday, The Hills returned to its roots: Staged cat fights at clubs!
Only the people involved were pretty random, as was the reason for said cat fight. What we’re seeing is basically a watered-down version of past Hills seasons.
McKaela Line was dissed by Brody Jenner and found out her new BFF, Allie Lutz, is viewed as an insane person by pretty much every other star of the show.
Yes, these were some of the primary peeps featured last night.
No LC. No Speidi. Sorry, McKaela Line, cute as you are, you don’t do it for us, especially if you fall for these people’s games. Are you that naive? This is Season Six!
Still, here’s THG’s rundown of The Hills, plus-minus style:
The Hills returns to its staged cat fight roots.
At Smashbox, where she shockingly got a job, McKaela is asked by Lo how things are going with Brody, but she says he hasn’t called. Stunning, really. Minus 4.
At Stephanie’s birthday party, Brody and Kristin Cavallari get cozy on the couch and … whoa! McKaela walks in. Plus 5 for everyone making it look fairly natural.
All hell breaks loose when Kristin confronts her rival, Allie Lutz, and declares she will never like her after she broke into Brody’s house. We care why? Minus 3.
Brody ignores McKaela’s call with Kristin. Basically, this is 100 percent fake, and/or he’s such an ass he’s willing to be filmed playing girls. Either way, Plus 7.
Audrina says Brody and Kristin are practically soul mates. LOL. Minus 6 for that line no one would ever say and KC’s assessment of their “undeniable chemistry.”
Speaking of Audrina Patridge, she tells Steph she likes when Ryan Cabrera is away so she can have “quality girl time,” code for “I’m sick of this loser.” Plus 4.
Comment rendered unnecessary.
Kristin on Allie: She’s “the dumbest girl on the planet,” she’s “pure evil,” and looks like “a 45-year-old stripper who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day.” Plus 11.
Ryan tells Audrina he loves her despite her questioning their relationship … then Audrina meets Justin Bobby at his shop while Ryan’s on tour. Burned. Plus 10.
Allie tells McKaela that Kristin made up lies about her breaking into Brody’s house. We wouldn’t doubt it, but we’re also straight up confused/bored, so Wash.
But Minus 33 for Justin-Bobby being on the show at all, because really? We haven’t seen enough of this loser in three years? Minus 5 more for the hair, too.
J-B questions Audrina on her relationship with Ryan and offers a little advice. The extent to which Audrina self-sabotages her love life is staggering. Minus 7.
Kristin tells McKaela to watch out for Allie, and that Brody lies. Plus 13, because we all know Brody will get with them both whenever he decides anyway.
TOTAL: -8. SEASON: +8. Watching Brody Jenner play chicks is fun, but even that gets old. Bring back Speidi, get rid of Justin, and get Kristin a spine.