The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world. The following battle has been brewing for years - and not just because of an on-field rivalry.
Since his trade to the Yankees in 2004, Alex Rodriguez has been a lightning rod (haha) for controversy, choking in the playoffs and boinking manly strippers. Star teammate Derek Jeter, meanwhile, just quietly does his (play) thing(s).
It's so on. Which of these prime-time players will emerge victorious in a grueling, 10-round slugfest? Let's find out. Ding, ding!
Who's the better player - off the field - Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez?
1. MOST RIPPED GIRLFRIEND
Alex Rodriguez: Joslyn Morse / Alicia Marie (tie)
Derek Jeter: Jessica Biel
2. MOST FAMOUS UNION
Alex Rodriguez: Soon-to-be dissolved marriage to Cynthia Rodriguez
Derek Jeter: Gabrielle
3. "FRIEND" SEEN MOST ON MTV
Alex Rodriguez: Madonna
Derek Jeter: Vanessa Minnillo
4. MEMORABLE TRADES
Alex Rodriguez: From Texas to New York for Alfonso Soriano
Derek Jeter: Mariah Carey for Jordanna Brewster
5. HATED BY
Alex Rodriguez: Believers in the tenets of marriage
Derek Jeter: Red Sox fans
Alex Rodriguez: .306 BA / 536 HR / 1,553 RBI / 3 AL MVP awards
Derek Jeter: .316 BA / 199 HR / 296 SB / 4 World Series titles
7. PREFERRED POSITIONS
Alex Rodriguez: On top / Up against wall
Derek Jeter: Shortstop / #2 hitter
8. ALSO KNOWN AS ...
Alex Rodriguez: The Face of Cocky, Spoiled Athletes; Blue-Lips
Derek Jeter: The Captain; Mr. November
9. CONTROVERSIAL BALLS CAUGHT BY ...
Alex Rodriguez: Candice Houlihan
Derek Jeter: Jeffrey Maier
10. COMES ...
Alex Rodriguez: [no comment]
Derek Jeter: ... through in the playoffs
THE VERDICT: As in real life, Alex Rodriguez may look better on paper, but Derek Jeter quietly delivers in the clutch, pulling out a 6-4 win over his scandal-plagued Yankee teammate. Maybe next time, A-Rod.