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No, Orlando Bloom won’t bare his rear end in London’s West End, much to the disappointment of fans buying tickets to his stage debut.

We know, fans. It’s a terribly tragic travesty.

The Pirates of the Caribbean star, 30, who recently announced he wanted to take a break from movies, hits the boards for the first time Thursday, starring in the David Storey play In Celebration.

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Pic

Some Orlando Bloom fan sites claim that he will be getting naked onstage, much like a certain teenager and Harry Potter star, Daniel Radcliffe, who got naked in his own stage debut, the play Equus.

NOTE: Due to rules imposed by our advertisers, we are unable to display the pic of Daniel Radcliffe naked.

NOTE #2: However, as a (big) consolation, we invite you to view Shemar Moore naked.

“I heard what they’re saying,” Orlando Bloom tells Britain’s The Guardian. “But you’ve read the play. Where would I possibly get my clothes off in it? It’s bizarre.”

Find a way, man. Get nude. And get Keira Knightley in there with you. Such amazing chemistry there! It’s a shame to waste it.

In the play, about three brothers who escape the mining life represented by their father, Bloom is at one point invited to take off his … coat (HOT) … but, sadly, that’s the only disrobing in the production set in the gritty north of England.

He does, however, sport a new mustache for the role. Wonder how his ex, Kate Bosworth, feels about that. Probably so sick to her stomach that she just won’t eat.