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Britney Spears and Ryan Phillippe? Hooking up in the bathroom of a club?

Just when you thought the world of celebrity gossip couldn’t get any nuttier, here’s another rumor about a new couple; or, at least, one lonely woman’s hope for a new couple.

At an exclusive party on a private yacht in Cannes, Jessica Simpson reportedly “spent the whole night following Leonardo DiCaprio around like a lost puppy,” a source tells Page Six. “He just seemed freaked out and kind of ignored her.”

Jessica Simpson Is 4 Years Sober
Photo via Instagram

Really? Freaked out by a red-headed brunette who often sports blonde hair and occasionally walks around with her giant boobs hitting people in the face? What’s wrong with you, Leo?

While we certainly can feel for DiCaprio for having to deal with this nonsense, it’s hard to muster too much sympathy for someone who has seen Bar Refaeli nude many times.

As for Jessica, this must have been one of those nights when she was broken up with John Mayer. But they’re probably back together today. Here’s a question, though, readers:

Did you ever think Ashlee Simpson would end up as the saner sister? Neither did we.