The Hills Recap: Whitney Shines, Spencer Whines

Before we begin this week's recap of The Hills, let us just reiterate a few points:

• Don't you just love Whitney?
• Don't you want to beat the ever-loving snot out of that disgusting ass clown Spencer, possibly with a baseball bat, then kick him in the ribs repeatedly as he writhes in pain on the ground?

Okay. Sorry. We had to get that off our collective chest.

As Whitney Port, who plays a larger-than-usual role in this episode, gets ready to graduate from college, she ponders her future in the fashion biz. Whitney asks her boss, Lisa Love, if there are any opportunities at Teen Vogue, and whether she'd be considered.

Lisa tells her there is a position (the nebulous "Fashion Contributor") that is going to be opening up at Teen Vogue, but some other interns have similar qualifications as Whit and will be interviewing for it too.

Meanwhile, Lauren Conrad and Whitney work with that, like, kinda bitchy New York all-star intern, Emily, on a Good Morning America Oscar piece. A Vogue big shot is at the studio with the girls, and picks Whitney out of the crowd to, like, model one of the dresses!

Emily stews as the head honcho vows to put old girl Whitney Port on TV in one of Hilary Swank's Oscar dresses. OMFG!

But the meaning of the episode title, "Everybody Falls," hits home on the day of the shoot when Whitney tumbles down the steps on live TV. It was mortifying. That snarky little b!tch Emily even smirked at Whit's mishap.

After the taping, Lauren (in a cute role reversal) does her best to comfort her friend, who is understandably devastated by the mistake.

All is well the next day, however, as Lisa gives Whitney great praise for handling the incident with class and grace under fire. Lisa wishes to send her - with a high recommendation - to NYC to interview for the Teen Vogue position opening up.

Audrina Patridge is nowhere to be found, and even LC is hardly featured in this episode. Mainly it's Whitney and Heidi and Spencer - who bicker, once again, over moving in together.

Heidi says there is a trust factor between them, to which Spencer pretends to be shocked. Spencer and Heidi argue about her intentions and puts the pressure on. To make a long story short, this stuck up prick gives her an ultimatum to move in with him or let him slut around with the rest of L.A.

When a distraught Heidi gives that slimy Spencer Pratt her final "no" on moving in, and he throws her out of his car. The conversation went like this:

Spencer Pratt: "You need to tell me your final answer."
Heidi Montag: "Well, like, my answer is no."
Spencer Pratt: "Fine, then my answer is get the hell out of my car."

But don't start crying for Heidi Montag (or celebrating the departure of Spencer) just yet. The previews for next week's season finale show Heidi pulling away in, like, a moving truck and looking back at a tearful LC.

Way to stick to your guns, babe. And on a side note, does anyone else think it's weird that The Hills gives away everything in its previews? Some shows tease you a little, but you basically know what's going on from the second you catch scenes from the next episode. Weird!