After being locked in a Chinese prison for 20 months, Jack Bauer had to reflect.
The star of 24 and America’s only hope against a growing terrorist threat could wait a few minutes before he shaved and saved the world. First, he had to process a slew of surprising celebrity facts.
Yes, Jack, the thin, boring character portrayed by Mischa Barton is truly gone from The OC. Here are some other tidbits you missed:
- Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have broken up. She may have slept with Bam Margera, he’s definitely doing Vanessa Minnillo. Her dad is still nuts.
- Britney Spears filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. She still can’t sing.
- Keeley Hazell made a sex tape. So did Dustin Diamond. You probably wish we hadn’t told you about that second one, huh?
- Beauty queens acted like young, single, gorgeous women that were provided with fame and free vacations. Take your time looking through Katie Rees photos. We certainly did.
- Nerds everywhere had to buy new pants at the thought of Tricia Helfer nude.
It’s a lot to digest, we know. But some things haven’t changed. Nicole Richie hasn’t had a bite to eat since you were captured.
So welcome back, Jack. It’s been a long time. Grab yourself a torturing device, rescue the world from devastation and let’s mock Brooke Hogan together. Just like old times.