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The season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show started out with a bang… or at least a rich, non-gay talk show host having a hard time doing a simple everyday task.

To open the show, Oprah and BFF Gayle King embarked on a cross-country road trip, surprising unsuspecting Americans by dropping in unannounced at their weddings and other events. The toughest part of the trip for Oprah wasn’t the rising price of gas… just the act of dispensing it into her vehicle.

The Big O had to be helped out as she fumbled with the pump, saying “I haven’t pumped gas since 1983.”

Carter Reum, Wife
(Getty Images)

Lucky for her, a good samaritan came to her rescue, demonstrating the right technique for fueling a car. It proved surprisingly easy.

Winfrey joined us in laughing at her expense, saying “I feel kind of stupid not being able to pump gas, but I thought, well maybe they’ve changed the pumps since I’ve last pumped.”

Well, Oprah, we thought that our girlfriends weren’t home when we were posting some pictures from Kristin Cavallari‘s MySpace page on our site yesterday. Sometimes, you’re just dead wrong. It can get pretty ugly.

At the same time Oprah was bungling this simple task, on other side of this great country of ours, the awesome Paris Hilton unknowingly showed that hack how it’s done.

Paris proved she’s the pro at the pump — one-handed, in high-heels and talking on the phone. What skillz!

And for her next trick, Paris will demonstrate tonight that she’s also a pro at getting pumped by guys.