Charlie Sheen was best known for a handful of movie roles and then for Two and a Half Men... and then he pretty much went crazy in the...

by Free Britney at

There are some noteworthy celebrity sex tapes out there, to be sure. Just not a whole lot that you'd actually want to ... you know, sit down and watch.

It's not altogether surprising that many stars of our most notorious celebrity sex tapes are predominantly (or only) famous for those very sex tapes.

If you have a lot else going for you, you don't need to ... you know.

Anyway, this being April Fools Day, there's a lot of BS out there, from Ariana Grande nude hoaxes to unsubstantiated pregnancies, breakups and marriages.

You may read some crazy stuff today, but very little of it is real.

That shouldn't stop you from dreaming, however. Here are 13 celebrity sex tapes you only wish would mysteriously leak on the Internet one sexy day ...

13 Celebrity Sex Tapes That Only Exist in Your Dreams
Beloved by men and women alike, approachable and yet otherwordly, genuine, talented and personable as well as beautiful, Jennifer Lawrence is uniquely lusted after.
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Jennifer Lawrence

1. Jennifer Lawrence

Beloved by men and women alike, approachable and yet otherwordly, genuine, talented and personable as well as beautiful, Jennifer Lawrence is uniquely lusted after.


Channing Tatum

2. Channing Tatum

You watched Magic Mike, which is basically halfway there, ladies. Don't act so shocked.


Mila Kunis

3. Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis frequently tops guys' wish lists for such things.


Ian Somerhalder

4. Ian Somerhalder

One has to assume there would be biting involved.


Kate Upton

5. Kate Upton

Kate Upton will never make a sex tape, but here's an astonishing naked GIF at least. You are so very welcome, fellas.


Charlie Sheen

6. Charlie Sheen

Not only is Charlie Sheen engaged to a porn star, he is the Warlock. Who wouldn't watch his drug-fueled freak-fest, just to see what levels of depraved lunacy would ensue?


Katy Perry

7. Katy Perry

She once rated herself a 10/10 in bed. Just sayin'.


Rihanna

8. Rihanna

She and Drake would totally pay random strippers to perform in the background of their romp.


Brangelina

9. Brangelina

A Brangelina sex tape would be eye-popping for more reasons than their obvious good looks and chemistry. The tabloids would collectively flip out over the new material they just got for Jennifer Aniston articles.


Kate Middleton

10. Kate Middleton

Two words: ROYAL SCANDAL.


Lena Dunham

11. Lena Dunham

Every episode of HBO's Girls is pretty much a Lena Dunham sex tape. Imagine the kind of f--ked up s--t she does in the privacy of her own home.


Ryan Gosling

12. Ryan Gosling

We are required by the laws of the Internet to include Ryan Gosling on any list of this nature.


Miley Cyrus

13. Miley Cyrus

This one feels almost inevitable.


Kim Kardashian (Bonus)

14. Kim Kardashian (Bonus)

Okay, there's already a Kim Kardashian sex tape, with Ray J. But can you imagine if the sequel co-starring Kanye hit the web today? The Internet as we know it would break. Full-on implode.


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by Tyler Johnson at

Charlie Sheen usually doesn't keep many secrets from the world, but if his Twitter account is any indication, it seems the tiger-blood swilling warlock from Mars may have quietly married his porn star girlfriend, Brett Rossi.

Yes, that's Charlie sporting a wedding band in a pic he tweeted recently. Further fueling the speculation is the fact Rossi has taken to referring to the Sheenius as "hubby" in her own tweets.

If the rumors are true, this would be marriage number 4 and porn star number 4,000 for Charlie. It would also signal the start of some major lifestyle changes as Brett has reportedly announced her intentions to put a stop to Sheen's "winning" ways.

In this case, that means no more porn stars, partying or rage-fueled online rants. Say it ain't so!

Of course there's another theory as to why Charlie is wearing a ring on his commitment finger these days, and it makes perfect sense, given his promiscuous past:

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by Free Britney at

Charlie Sheen is going for Denise Richards' jugular ... or at least her house, according to TMZ. He's cut her off financially and is kicking her out of her house.

  • An Adoptive Mom
  • Charlie Sheen Crazy

Denise was getting $55,000 a month in court-ordered support for their girls, Lola and Sam. In January, he paid half of that. Since then ... nothing.

Sheen bought the house in question for Richards back in 2011 so she and the kids would be close to him. But things have clearly soured in recent months.

Charlie has told Denise he's selling the house and wants her out immediately, while not masking the fact that he is retaliating against her. Why, you ask?

The Warlock believes Denise is keeping Sam and Lola from him. Denise says that's false, she just doesn't drop everything to give Charlie the kids.

If he feels like having them on a whim, great, but it's not that simple as their full-time caretaker. She also took care of his two sons for a LONG time.

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by Hilton Hater at

Still not over the fact that someone wants to marry Charlie Sheen?

Still wondering what is wrong with fiancee Brett Rossi?

Consider this disturbing fact: The couple will likely squeeze out at least one child.

Sheen - who is already paying $110,000 PER MONTH in child support for his kids with exes Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller - tells TMZ that he's very open to impregnating Rossi. Just not yet.

"I'm having way too much fun with her right now," Sheen says of the 24-year old porn star. "So much fun it should be illegal."

And, hey, if anyone knows about illegal activity... it's Charle Sheen!

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by Free Britney at

Charlie Sheen is engaged! To his porn star girlfriend Brett Rossi! Before you make the obvious jokes or roll your eyes, he swears it's different this time!

The Anger Management star "could not be a happier man" after he proposed to Rossi Saturday on their Hawaiian getaway, his publicist Jeff Ballard said.

Charlie Sheen and Brett Rossi

This will be the fourth wedding for the 48-year-old Sheen, whose brief first marriage, to model Donna Peele, ended in an annulment in the 1990s.

He is divorced from Denise Richards (2002-2006) and Brooke Mueller (2008-2011), with whom he has quite the history (and two children apiece).

Sheen announced the news in the quirky fashion his millions of Twitter followers have come to expect, referring to Rossi by her nickname "Scottie."

He says the third time is the charm with Brett Rossi, with an acknowledgement (and explanation) that he was technically married to Donna Peele:

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by Hilton Hater at

Ashton Kutcher has finally had it with Charlie Sheen.

Following endless online harassment and barbs sent flying in his direction, Kutcher blew up at the man he replaced on Two and a Half Men during an appearance with Jimmy Kimmel this week.

"Dude, shut the f-ck up!" Kutcher says in the following video. "Seriously. Enough already. It’s three years later and you’re still blowing me up on Twitter? Come on, dude. Really?"

You can watch Two and a Half Men online to see which star you prefer in the lead role... but you can't really blame Kutcher for going off, can you?

Sheen has repeatedly told the world that Kutcher sucks.

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by Free Britney at

Charlie Sheen is TAKING IT to Phil Robertson, saying he had better apologize for his crude anti-gay comments or face a media storm like he wouldn't believe.

As reported earlier, A&E made the controversial decision to suspend Robertson from Duck Dynasty largely because of the gay employees at the network.

Clearly, Sheen agrees with that move, but he's not satisfied.

Days after Phil likened called gays immoral sinners (among many other things, in much coarser wording) in GQ, the actor tore into him in a Twitter tirade:

  • MaSheen
  • Phil R.

"Hey Mallard brained Phil Robertson! you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine, who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do."

"Well news flash shower-dodger, I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them."

"So, just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off, you are in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media beat down."

(I'll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)."

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by Free Britney at

Charlie Sheen is livid with ex-wife Denise Richards after she reportedly suggested he skip an annual holiday trip with their daughters, Sam and Lola.

As a result, he's threatening to hit her where it hurts. The wallet.

  • Denise Richards Red Carpet Photo
  • Charlie Sheen at Scary Movie 5 Premiere

The former Two and a Half Men star, 48, is steaming after Richards, 42, made overtures to exclude him from the family vacation this holiday season.

"Less CS = Less CS" according to the loose cannon, who wants to cut his $55,000 a month child support payments to Denise as a result of the snub.

He can probably make that happen, actually, since that sum was privately worked out with Richards, and the court would likely order him to pay less.

Moreover, the family court system would set his visits with the kids in stone, whereas now she unofficially calls the shots, which has worked out.

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by Free Britney at

Looks like Charlie Sheen is at it again, trashing the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services on Twitter in violation of a gag order.

He also seems to be hungry for some fresh seafood.

The actor, who is living with the department, just tweeted the following messages, all using the letters DCFS and making some thinly-veiled points:

Tweets By Sheen

If you missed the background story here, Sheen is furious that ex-wife Brooke Mueller has been granted a path to establishing full custody of their twins.

Brooke's brother Scott was given custody after Charlie's previous ex, Denise Richards, told the court she couldn't care for Bob, Max and her two girls.

There is a gag order in place and Charlie has been warned about running his mouth (and Twitter) about the issue. His lawyer promised he'd behave.

So much for that. Then again, the judge in the case has also showed restraint, fearing that coming down on Sheen will only make this more of a circus.

He'll probably let it slide for that reason ... but we guarantee he's not amused, despite Sheen's aptitude for clever wordplay at the expense of DCFS.

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by Free Britney at

An alleged Charlie Sheen sex tape is being shopped around, and its bizarre link to the recent Nic Cage burglary scandal has been unearthed as well.

Also, a man who was supposed to be a key witness in that case is missing.

  • Charlie Sheen Crazy
  • Cage, Nic

It's hard to keep straight, but handyman Ricardo Orozco is currently on trial for allegedly breaking into the home of Christina Fulton, Cage's baby mama.

He is accused of stealing computers and memorabilia, which allegedly includes Nicolas Cage sex photos ... and somehow, a Charlie Sheen video.

A detective testified in court Thursday that one of the items taken was a Charlie Sheen video on one of the stolen computers. Sources say it's a sex tape.

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